5. Showers

While Jane and Henry are busily working over their budgets, buy­ing their trousseaus and planning the new home, friends and rela­tives begin to think of showers. In the old hymn, the "showers" are of blessings, but the parties for a bride-to-be are for showering gifts —whether these are blessings or otherwise depends upon the plan­ning of those who give the showers.

The origin of showers is lost in tradition, their nature as varied as the friends giving them. Certainly in the United States we can trace them back to the quilting bees and house-raisings given by our pioneer forefathers whenever it was announced that a couple in those rugged communities had decided to marry.

As communities in this country became less primitive and work by friends not essential to setting up housekeeping, showers took on a more purely social aspect. Also, they became the tradition for the bride. Recently, however, there is a trend toward a joint shower for the bride and groom. But the purpose of the shower remains the same as it was in the beginning—to help the bride start her new life well-equipped with utilitarian gifts. Of course in our present day of electronics and high styling, utility is not necessarily divorced from luxury. If the bride happens to be one who "has everything," then the gifts may be directed toward a particular interest or hobby. What­ever kind it is, showers are fun—and sometimes a surprise 1

Question 1: What kinds of showers may be given?

Answer: There are four general classifications for showers: (1) bride's shower; (2) groom's shower; (3) joint shower; (4) special showers.

Question 2: What are some of the specific gifts included under each classification?

Answer: Bride's showers—Personal—Oxford Bible (white); cash­mere sweaters; a wedding etiquette book; scarfs, including a filmy evening scarf; gloves; handkerchiefs; stockings; purse ac­cessories including a purse size perfume bottle filled with the bride's favorite fragrance; silver comb and brush set; jewel case; costume jewelry; perfume bottles, cosmetics and other dressing table accessories. In addition to their inclusion as gifts in a "personal shower," many of these items may be indicated as the "kind" of shower for a bride, such as handkerchief, stocking, sweater, cosmetics, costume jewelry, scarves, and many others.

A stationery "trousseau"—a writing case, pen and pencil set, address book, engagement book, Wedding Gift Book, a filled stamp book.

Bed accessories—boudoir pillow, boudoir pillow covers, nylon blanket cover, electric blanket, mattress cover, bedspread, hot water bottle and cover, lavender bags for sheets.

China, glass, silver, linen.

Entertainment aids—casserole and warming stand, favorite coffee makers such as French pottery drip coffee pot of "Chemex," glass coffee bottles with filters, pie or cake serving knife, salt and pepper mill, sugar and cream pitcher, after dinner coffee cups and saucers, wooden, glass or pottery salad bowl with salad servers, vinegar and oil bottles to match salad set, "Lazy Susan" set, cocktail napkins, decanters, nut dishes, coasters, trays of different sizes.

Lingerie.

Bath accessories—bath soap, face soap, guest soap, dusting powder, non-skid tub mat, shower caps, bathroom bottles, ham­per, waste basket, bathroom glasses, "corner cupboard" for bath­tub cleaner, or brushes, the cleaner and brushes themselves, bath salts, bath oil, "bubble" bath, bath slippers, cleansing and toilet tissues, bath scales, matched bath mat, rug and seat cover.

Closet accessories (all covered with matching chintz)—garment bags, hat boxes, shoe racks, tie racks, hangers, blanket boxes, shelf paper, shelf edging, thumb tacks, lavender or sachet bags for hangers, or pomander balls.

Sewing accessories—scissors, needles, pins, thimbles, thread, sewing basket, button box, patterns, idea books, tape measure, yard stick, hem marker, chalk, pin cushion, darning egg.

Groom's showers: Bar accessories—measuring jiggers, coasters, bar towel, cocktail, Old Fashioned, highball glasses, ice crusher, ice bucket, cocktail shaker, pitcher, bar strainer, spoon, cork screw, bar apron, cocktail tray, bottle opener, wine bucket cooler, ice tongs, lemon squeezer, trays, beer steins.

Liquor—Scotch, Bourbon, rye, vodka, gin, wines (white, rose, red, champagne), cordials, liqueurs, brandy, beer, bitters, grena­dine.

Personal—handkerchiefs, ties, socks, suspenders, studs, shav­ing lotions and creams, billfold, moneyclip, cuff links, tie clasp, brushes, stud box, collar box.

Joint shower for bride and groom: Books—Shakespeare, a set of Dickens, Hardy's novels, short stories, plays, classic or modern poetry, nature studies, animal books, such reference books as dictionaries, encyclopedias, atlas, famous quotations, literary bi­ographies, travel books, guides, different versions of the Bible, books on faith, self-help, "Do-It-Yourself," furniture and deco­rating, hobbies, cook books, art and music appreciation, sub­scriptions to magazines or book clubs.

Kitchen utensils—kitchen knife set, knife holder, scissors, clock, egg timer, canister set, bread and cake boxes, bread board, rolling pin, pastry blender, cake tins, pie plates, pots and pans, kitchen towels, tea towels, dish cloths, dish mops, dish pan, dish drainer, molds for salads and desserts, custard cups, refrigerator storage dishes, bowls, boxes, plastic covers for bowls, a set of mixing bowls, oven, candy and meat thermometers, chopping bowl, meat- baster, cookie press, cake decorator, lettuce "shaker," silver, copper and brass polish.

Scrub—brushes, pail, sponges, mops, rubber gloves, steel wool, floor wax, glass cleaner, feather duster, broom, dust pan and brush.

Luggage—matching train case, hat box, week-ender, over­night, pullman, wardrobe, overseas.

Cupboard supplies—biscuit, cake, frosting, pie crust, pudding mixes, olive oil, vinegars, cider, red wine, malt, salad dressings, spices, sauces, flavorings, herbs, canned goods, cook books.

Record—classics, hit tunes, Broadway musicals, folk songs, ethnic music, poetry and play readings, operas, ballets, light opera.

Barbecue supplies—apron, chef's hat, gloves, moveable barbe­cue oven, long-handled implements, charcoal, matches.

Garden equipment.

Appliances—electric meat grinder, steam iron, automatic coffee maker, automatic skillet, automatic speed kettle, auto­matic toaster, portable mixer, mixette, liquiblender, mirro-matic pressure pan, toastmaster, waffle baker, grill, griddle.

Important Gift—furniture, fine lamp, a good painting, TV set, vacuum cleaner, floor waxer, a decorative clock, a rug.

"Collectors' Items"—items "collected" by both the bride and groom such as cats (china, pottery, metal), ink wells, stamps, pipes, or whatever the individual bride and groom dote upon.

Special showers: Money—special "gift checks" which may be bought from a bank, or a gift certificate from a department store.

A "Double"—two prospective brides who are planning a double wedding, or two girls who are planning to be married within, perhaps, a month of each other and who have many mutual friends.

A "postal" for a girl who is living or working away from her home and group of friends—as the title implies, the gifts are mailed to her.

A "post-wedding"—a surprise visit to a couple recently re­turned from their honeymoon, where the gifts are brought by friends to the new home.

Question 3: Who may give Jane a shower?

Answer: Any of her friends, often a member of her bridal party, cousins, sister-in-law, aunts, friends of her mother or of Henry's mother, frequently, if she works, staff members of the organi­zation where she is employed. Because gifts are the sole object of a shower, good taste forbids members of either Jane's or Henry's immediate family to give the shower.

Note: It is a good plan for friends to consult one another before arranging a shower in order to avoid four or five affairs with the same guests. It is much better to join forces in one or two showers. If a joint shower for Jane and Henry is planned, it should be given jointly by friends of each.

Question 4: Who is invited?

Answer: Jane's friends (those who are close enough to her to want to be included in giving her a present); always all members of the bridal party. The hostess of the shower may invite friends of Jane even though she herself does not know them well, but she does not ask her own friends who do not know Jane well be­cause they would have no reason to bring a gift, but could not very well come without one. Also, the hostess invites Jane's and Henry's mothers and sisters (but they are not expected to bring gifts).

If only women are invited to a shower (usually daytime par­ties), Henry does not participate. Sometimes men are invited to join the shower party after the gifts are opened. On such occa­sions, the men do not bring gifts.

If the shower is a joint one, both Jane's and Henry's friends are invited, including members of the bridal party, the best man and ushers, and the parents of Jane and Henry.

Invitations to showers are not limited to any particular age group. Both Jane's and Henry's friends are likely to be of vari­ous ages.

If Jane is employed and her office or school gives her a shower, it is not customary to invite those not employed in the organiza­tion in which she works.

Question 5: When is a shower given?

Answer: Usually six weeks to one month before the wedding. They are planned for any time of the day or evening, according to the kind of party the hostess would like to give.

Question 6: How are invitations extended to a shower?

Answer: They may be telephoned: "I'm having a linen shower for Mary Smith on Saturday. Come for brunch at one o'clock" Written on a visiting card:

(Example on next page)

Shower cards from the stationers. Informal handwritten notes. Telegrams.

Trick invitations (parasols cut out of felt or paper towel, with invitation printed on them).

Note: Formal engraved "fill-in" invitations are never correct.
Question 7: What should those invited to showers know about gifts?

Answer: Everyone invited to a shower gives a present whether able to attend or not. The only exception is when a person happens to be invited who does not know the bride well enough to be interested, in which case the invitation may be declined with a reasonable excuse and a present is not sent.

Guests either bring the gifts to the shower personally or send them in advance to the hostess' home. If an invited guest does not attend the shower, he sends the gift to the hostess' home.

Bring or send the gift wrapped, although the hostess may re-wrap in uniform gift paper.

Enclose the donor's card in every case.

Shower gifts are sometimes given in place of wedding gifts, especially when a shower is given by a bride's co-workers in an organization. Usually, however, the shower gift is in addition to the wedding gift.

It is good taste to keep shower gifts small—they should never cause financial strain. Remember that there may be a number of showers.

Guests should consult the hostess in advance of the shower date to avoid duplication of gifts. If the hostess suggests the serv­ices of a shower consultant in a local department store, gifts may be purchased through her to avoid duplication.

Guests should always give the kind of gifts indicated on the invitation and suggested by the hostess.

If the gifts are to be any kind of wearing apparel, exact sizes should be learned.

Guests do not individually present the gifts to the bride at the shower—the gifts are presented all together, and are opened while the friends watch.

At a joint shower, the women guests give presents to the bride and the men to the groom.

Note: Guests never give lingerie at a joint shower.

Question 8: What does a hostess consider when she decides to give a shower?

Answer: She decides whether to give a "bride's shower," a "groom's shower" (although more frequently this kind is given by a host), a "joint shower," or one of the "special" showers.

She consults with Jane's mother about what Jane will need or would like. Also, in order to avoid duplication, she checks with her about the kind of shower some other group of friends may have planned.

She considers especially the advantages o£ the "important gift" shower.

This shower (usually a "joint" shower but not exclusively so, if one prefers to make it one of the others) is becoming increas­ingly popular since it costs the individual guests no more than the smaller presents they would ordinarily bring, but gives the bride and groom something they very much want but which they might not be able to afford for years. The invited guests each contribute a small amount of money and the total is used to buy one good gift—an electrical appliance, a piece of furni­ture, a rug, a fine painting, or a special piece of silver.

The hostess also decides whether the shower is to be a surprise and if so, how to make sure it will be.

Question 9: What kind of party should be the setting for a shower?

Answer: A shower may be any kind o£ a party—a breakfast or brunch, luncheon, bridge, afternoon tea, cocktail party, dinner, dance, supper, or evening party.

Question 10: What kind of refreshments are served, and when?

Answer: Shower refreshments usually are light. The kind, of course, depends upon the type of party—brunch, luncheon, tea, or after dinner. (Suggested menus Supplement V.) Whatever the refresh­ments, they are usually served after the gifts are unwrapped.

Question 11: What are some general ideas for shower decorations and the presentation of gifts?

Answer: First plan a color scheme related to the kind of shower to be given. A kitchen shower might be red and white checks; lin­gerie shower, blush pink and ice blue; wines and liquors, brown and beige.

Decide in what part of the room the gifts are to be arranged, and where Jane will sit to open them.

Have a supply of gift wrapping paper in the color scheme to re-wrap all gifts uniformly. Guests may be asked to send their gifts to the hostess' home in advance of the shower day. The new wrapping is put over the original wrapping.

Note: If all guests are ordering gifts through the shower consultant of a department store, this consultant will have them wrapped uniformly according to the color theme specified.

For decoration and for the refreshment table, be sure to order fresh cut flowers to tie in with the color scheme.

Have a huge laundry bag in the color scheme in which the presents may be carried home.

Question 12: What about entertainment at showers?

Answer: Entertainment may be planned or unplanned. Many peo­ple think immediately of games. These should be planned and included only if the group is one that enjoys games. Or, they may be planned, one or two started, but given up if they do not seem to be going over well. It is better to have planned enter­tainment than to have everyone sitting around stiffly, or to have one or two people doing all the talking. A shower should last about two hours and should consist of the greeting to everyone, a game or general conversation for awhile, unwrapping the gifts, and refreshments. There are a number of good books on the market which give a wide variety of games, many planned espe­cially for showers.

Question 13: Are thank-you notes in order?

Answer: Jane thanks each one as she opens her gifts. She may write individual thank-you notes in addition if she wants to, but this is not usually expected.

She should write a thank-you note or telephone anyone who sent a gift but did not attend.

She should by all means write a thank-you note to the hostess.

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