9. The Service Wedding

The previous chapters have suggested all things concerning wed­ding plans and the actual performance at rehearsal, ceremony and reception. Very much the same procedure applies to the wedding when the bride or groom is a member of one of the Armed Services of the United States. However there are some differences between civilian and service weddings which are chiefly a question of protocol, and one who is marrying into one of them must be aware of all its nuances. And there are questions which a prospective service bride will have concerning procedure both before and after the wedding, as well as for the wedding ceremony and reception.

Question i : How does one address an officer in speaking to him?

Answer: Junior officers of Army, Navy and Marines were once al­ways addressed socially as "Mr. Jones." Modern usage has changed this and addressing an Army officer now (speaking to as well as introducing one) means using his title. This applies to a non-commissioned officer and an enlisted man—lieutenant, cadet, sergeant, private and recruit. In the Navy a Lieutenant Commander, previously addressed as "Mr. Bundy" is now called "Commander Bundy." He is distinguished from any full Commanders present by his half-stripes. Junior Officers are those in the Navy—below the rank of Commander (see Invitations, for ex­ceptions some say Senior Lieutenant). Army—below the rank of Captain. Marines—below the rank of Captain.

Senior Officers are addressed by their titles and their names— never by title only—"Captain Bedford" but never simply "Cap­tain." Senior Officers are those in the Navy—Commander or Senior Lieutenant, and above. Army—Captain and above. Marines—Captain and above.

Doctors, if they have the rank of Captain or above, are gen­erally addressed socially as "Captain Watts" as long as they re­main in the Army. Junior officers (doctors begin with the com­mission of Lieutenant) may be addressed as "Lieutenant Gleason" but often are addressed socially as "Dr. Gleason."

In the Navy, junior officers who are medical or dental doctors, are introduced by their titles, and referred to as "Doctor."

Chaplains: Regardless of military rank, in the Army or Navy, a Chaplain is always called "Chaplain ." However, there is no military regulation against calling a Catholic priest "Father. " A Chaplain of any faith is introduced by title and afterwards spoken to as "Chaplain ," except a Roman Catholic Chaplain, who is spoken to as "Father ."

A captain of a ship is referred to as "Captain Young" as long as he remains captain of that ship, regardless of what his usual title may be.
Cadets of the U. S. Military Academy are officially "Cadet" but socially referred to as "Mr. Blake," if preferred.

Lieutenant Colonels are referred to as "Colonel," Major Gen­erals, Brigadier Generals and Lieutenant Generals as "Gen­eral." In the Army and Navy their name must be coupled with their rank, never merely "General."

Note: When addressing envelopes, the full title is used if to the officer only; if to an officer and his wife, the complete full title is not usually used; for instance, to a Brigadier General and his wife,

"General and Mrs. ."

A Vice-Admiral or a Rear Admiral is called "Admiral." When introducing officers, the following procedure is followed: junior officers may be introduced by their titles coupled with their names. However, the person to whom an officer has been introduced then addresses him as "Mr. ," except for Army personnel for whom the title is now often used. Senior officers are introduced by their titles and their names. Those to whom they are introduced speak to them by using title and name, as, "Miss Wallace, Captain Green." She answers, "How do you do, Captain Green (never, "How do you do, Captain.") Army non-commissioned officers are officially referred to as Sergeant Hancock, but there is no reason why they may not be referred to as "Mr." socially. All authorities agree that a warrant officer, in any branch of the service, is socially and officially referred to as "Mr."

For the written form of address on an envelope, both junior and senior officers, the title precedes the name. The Army omits "First" or "Second" Lieutenant in unofficial correspondence, using "Lieutenant" for both. Corporals and Sergeants are ad­dressed on letters as "Corporal Gerald Jones" or "Sergeant Al­fred Long," "Sergeant and Mrs. Alfred Long." First grade or second grade are omitted in social correspondence. However, "Master Sergeant" is used. For the Army, in addressing en­velopes, rank is given before the names for all noncommissioned officers and enlisted men, except Warrant Officers, who become "Mr."

The custom in the Navy for senior and junior officers is the same as in the Army: full title and specific rank on the envelope addressed to the officer only; in social correspondence, title and "Mrs." when addressed to the man and wife. For Chaplains, "Chaplain" is written before his name. Warrant officers, the full title is given on envelopes addressed to the man only; when addressed to the man and wife, no title, simply "Mr. and Mrs." From Midshipman down, the man's name and rank and service on the envelope to the man only; "Mr. and Mrs." when addressed to both.

Permissible abbreviations: in correspondence to members of the Army, "USA" is placed after the name of a regular Army officer; "AUS" after the name of a Reserve officer on active duty. When the name and rank are long, the following are used: "Lieut. Colonel," "Brig. General," and "Lieut. General."

Abbreviations for the Navy are: "U.S.N." after regular Naval officers' names; "U.S.N.R." after officers in the Naval Reserve; and the following:

Ens.                                                Capt.
Lt· (jg) or Lieut, (jg)                          Commo.
Lt. or Lieut.                                    Rear Adm.
Lieut. Comdr. or Lt. Cdr.               Vice Adm.
Comdr. or Cdr.                              Adm.

The abbreviations are to be used only when absolutely neces­sary—those most approved are: Lieutenant (jg) or Lieut, (jg); Lieut. Comdr. or Lieut. Commander.

The matter of protocol is of the utmost significance in anything to do with the Army, Navy or Marine Corps. In seating guests at a military wedding, rank must be strictly adhered to. Check with the bride's father or the groom's father or the groom (whichever is a member of one of the services) on the protocol of the rank of the guests invited. This is the time that pew numbers will be needed and pew cards (see supplement 3) invitations, and little reminder cards of pew numbers given to each usher. The bride who is marrying into one of the services should study the subject of protocol carefully before she gets married. She will be faced with continuous situations where she must know the correct pro­cedure in respect to rank. She should have personal calling cards engraved and have them on hand when she first arrives at the station to which her husband is assigned.

Question 2: Are "miniatures" used for engagement rings?

Answer: Yes, a miniature of a West Point or an Annapolis man's ring is considered an engagement ring. The girl is often given this instead of the usual diamond engagement ring. The ring is worn before marriage with the insignia in. After the wedding, the in­signia is turned out. The miniature may be set with a diamond or with a duplicate of the husband's stone in a smaller size.

Question 3: How are newspaper announcements of the engagement and wedding made?

Answer: For correct forms, see Chapters II, III. Use the same pattern of forms suggested except that there should be added the bride's or groom's or bride's father's or groom's father's title and branch of service if one is a member of the Armed Forces. Sometimes mention is also made of where the groom is stationed, and what his overseas duties may have been. Any distinguished service medals, or medals of honor, are mentioned. For newspaper an­nouncement of the wedding follow instructions given for regular weddings, Chap. VI, and add for service members, the military titles and branches of service and any distinguished or interesting information regarding performance in service.

Question 4: How are wedding invitations and announcements worded?

Answer: The rank and service of the groom must be included. Most authorities agree that the rules which follow apply for women in the service exactly the same as for men. If both the bride and the groom are members of the services, the title and the service is given for each. However, one authority says that if the bride is a member of the armed services, she does not use a title on en­graved invitations and announcements unless she and the groom issue their own.

Junior officers are those below the rank of commander (some say senior lieutenant) in the Navy and captain in the Army and Marine Corps. Their rank and service must be engraved on a single line under the groom's name. Or for Army personnel, the rank may be used on the same line as the name. "Mr." may pre­cede the groom's name, but more often does not. One authority says absolutely not, another says the practice is fast going out. Another suggests the following:

*                           * *
to
John Henry Jones
Lieutenant, United States Army
or
*                           * *
Lieutenant John Henry Jones
United States Army

The branch of the service may be engraved or omitted (the regi­ment is not used). First or Second Lieutenant is not specified in the engraving, Lieutenant means either.

Senior officers are Commander in the Navy (or Senior Lieu­tenant), Captain in the Army and Marine Corps, and all above these ranks. For these officers, the titles are engraved before the groom's name, all on one line. The service is engraved on a single line, immediately following.

The services are as follows: United States Army—regular serv­ice, Army of the United States—reserve service, United States Naval Reserve—enlistment if war is declared, United States Ma­rine Corps—regular service, United States Marine Corps Reserve —temporary service, United States Air Force—is the same for regular or reserve, United States Coast Guard—regular.

When not on active duty, National Guard and Reserve officers do not use their titles socially unless they are engaged in activities in relation to military affairs. When they are used, the designa­tion must follow the name. When they are retired, they are never used.

Reserve officers on active duty use their titles but not otherwise. High ranking retired officers of the regular Army and Navy re­tain their titles as civilians. The title is given before the name, the service is given on a line below which ends with a comma and the word "Retired" as:

Commodore Charles Edward Anderson United States Navy, Retired

Or

Lt. General Martin Lee Wordsworth United States Marine Corps, Retired

For noncommissioned officers and enlisted men, the rating and branch of service may be engraved on a single line under his name, or not, as he chooses. Or only his service may be engraved on a single line under his name; or, in the Army only, his rank may precede his name. Again, as he chooses, his name may or may not be preceded by "Mr.," although some feel that it is never correct to use "Mr.":

Laurence Livingstone United States Marine Corps

Or

Laurence Livingstone Staff Sergeant United States Marine Corps

Or

Laurence Livingstone Signal Corps, U.S.N.R.

Titles may be abbreviated or not as desired and depending on the form. The comma may or may not be used when the title is followed by the name of the service on one line as: Lieutenant United States Army.

Where titles appear before the names of senior officers, one may or may not, as desired, include the branch of the service as well as the service on the line under the name. Regiments are not included. A comma is used between the branch of service and the service, as

Captain David Westbrook Artillery, United States Army
If it is the bride who is a member of one of the services, the
wording is
* * *
at the marriage of their daughter
Mary Grace
Lieutenant, Nurse Corps, United States Naval Reserve

If the bride's father is a member of the armed forces and is unable to attend because he is on active duty:

Colonel (overseas) and Mrs. Leslie Martin request the honor of your presence

Otherwise, naturally, it would read: Colonel and Mrs. Leslie Martin. (The title only is used, not the branch of the service.) If the bride's father is a member of the armed forces, and is a noncommissioned officer, or if he is a commissioned officer with a Junior officer rank, the invitations read:

Mr. and Mrs. Alexander Smith Grantly etc.

and no reference is made to the armed forces. Or, equally correct, according to the newer usage,

Lieutenant and Mrs. Alexander Smith Grantly.

If the bride's mother is a member of the armed forces, invita­tions and announcements are in the name of the bride's parents with no reference to the mother's connection with the armed forces, even though she may have the rank of a senior officer, as:

Mr. and Mrs. Jasper Lane Ellis

request the honor of your presence

Question 5: How are calling cards (visiting cards) engraved?

Answer: These are engraved exactly as the names appear on the wed­ding announcement. The name may appear in the center of the card with the title coupled with the name (for senior officers), with the service immediately below; or the name only may be in the center of the card (for Junior officers) with the title and service immediately below; or the name may be in the center of the card with either the service or the title and service line in the lower right-hand corner. Officers of the regular Army use the first and second forms usually, reserve officers on active duty the third. But either is correct for either group. Cards of military officers and wives (combined card) are engraved with names and titles only, never with the second line giving the branch of the service. Ab­breviations of military or naval rank should not be used on visit­ing cards, unless a name is extremely long, when the abbrevia­tions may be used. But all three names of a man should be en­graved in full, never merely the initials. Officers in the Army or Navy Reserve should not use titles on visiting cards unless they are on active duty.

Question 6: According to protocol, are there any who must be in­cluded on the invitation list?

Answer: If the groom is in the Army, his commanding officer and wife (if he is married) must be included. Also his post com­mander and wife. Officers in the Navy must include their execu­tive officer and commanding officer of his naval station and the head of his department, and all the wives. They should all receive reception cards, too, whether the wedding is held at the post or station, or not. And it may be that there are other officers who should be invited. Check with the wife of one of the other officers on the post in whom you have confidence.

Question 7: When the bride's father is in the Army or Navy, what is the protocol for wedding invitations?

Answer: If the bride's father is in the Army or Navy and the family is living on a post, and the chaplain of the post will officiate in the post chapel, generally all officers and wives are included in the invitations. Otherwise, only the officers and wives mentioned above must be invited—all others are optional.

Question 8: What is the correct attire for the men in service wed­dings? For the bride and her attendants?

Answer: The bridegroom decides for the men; both fathers and all groomsmen follow his decision. If an officer, the groom may wear full military dress and his fellow officers the same, as well as both fathers. They wear a summer or winter uniform, depending upon the season. Military men may wear full military dress and any civilian groomsmen or fathers may wear cutaway and striped trousers with accessories for day, and white tie and tails for eve­ning (see Chapter VI). Men in uniform do not wear boutonnieres. When officers are not required to possess full dress uni­forms, they may wear Army olive drab or Navy blues.

An active member of the services does not have to have a mili­tary wedding nor does he have to wear a uniform for his wedding (exceptions may be noted in war time). He may also request that his groomsmen wear formal civilian attire when he himself does, even though they may be part of the armed services. Naval or Army officers look most glamorous in their dress uniforms: Navy men in suits trimmed with gold braid and epaulettes, swords and cocked hats; long-coated Navy blues in winter, Navy whites in summer; Army officers in suits trimmed with gold braid, epau­lettes, belts with sabers—they may wear dress Army blues or dress Army whites. Either Army or Navy carry their caps in the left hand, with visor pointing left.

The bride and her attendants dress as they would for any wedding according to formality or informality.

Question 9: Are there any special trousseau requirements for a serv­ice bride?

Answer: The trousseau differs in that the bride will not have many of her wedding gifts sent to her new home unless the groom is sta­tioned fairly permanently at a post. If he is to move around she must plan her first furnishings around draperies, decorative pil­lows, lamps, pictures, perhaps a few choice Oriental rugs of scatter size, and small objects of a more or less personal nature that are easy to move from place to place. Her fine wedding gifts, and any elaborate pieces of furniture will have to be stored—until her husband's position is more settled. Her clothes trousseau will be based on the direction of the honeymoon—cool or warm climate —and her anticipated activities, as any other bride's. For the kind of clothes needed as wife of an officer on a post or station, or in Washington, the bride should check with one of the other officer's wives, and plan her trousseau accordingly. As the wife-to-be of an officer, she will need to order engraved visiting cards with her stationery trousseau—and to have them with her when she arrives at the post or station from her honeymoon. They are one of the first things needed.

Question 10: Does the ceremony for a service wedding differ from the usual ceremony?

Answer: Actually the ceremony is the same. However, there is an outstanding feature of the service wedding, the "Arch of Swords or Sabers" that may be observed at the conclusion of the cere­mony. It is used only in formal weddings (in church or elsewhere) in which the groom and most if not all the groomsmen are com­missioned officers. Obviously the officers do not participate in this custom except when they wear their uniforms. Also, officers of any branch of the armed services may observe the custom.

According to regional acceptances, there are several ways of procedure. After the wedding ceremony is over, ushers and best man may precede the bride and groom down the aisle to line up on either side of the church entrance (outside). A command is given by the head usher to "Draw Sabers" for the Army, or "Draw Swords" for the Navy. The ushers lift the sabers or swords with the blades pointing upwards and the arch is made for the bride and groom. After the newly married couple has passed under the arch, a command is given to "Return Sabers" or "Swords."

The bridesmaids and maid-of-honor may walk down the aisle to wait inside the church until they hear the last command, or may keep their places at the altar until ushers and best man re­turn to escort them out.

Due to a feeling that a command to draw swords should not be given in a sanctified place, the arch is more often formed outside than inside the church. When the weather makes this impractical, the arch is formed inside the front door, in the vestibule. When there is no church regulation, the arch ceremony may occur be­fore the recessional begins; the ushers step forward at the foot of the chancel steps and form the arch for the bride and groom to lead the recessional. Immediately after the bride and groom have passed through the arch, the ushers return swords to po­sition, return to their places, and take part in the recessional ac­cording to previous plans (see Chapter VII on Rehearsal). In the latter instance, the arch ceremony may be performed once inside and again outside.

Although it is generally accepted that only the bride and groom should pass under the arch, there are some who would have bride, groom, maid-of-honor and bridesmaids all pass under in pairs.

It may be explained here that in the event some of the ushers are civilians, they line up with the service men for the arch cere­monial but, of course, do not participate in it.

Enlisted men cannot observe the arch ceremonial because they do not carry swords. Instead, they might simply line up "at at­tention" outside the church door, forming a pathway for the bride and groom. This would only be in the event that they were wearing uniform, of course.

We have heard of a modern trend to carry rather than wear the sabers or swords at "Carry Sabers" or "Carry Swords" po­sition. They are handed to the ushers just before the processional begins inasmuch as the ushers have not had them on their persons during the ushering.

Ushers, best man and groom who are in officers' uniforms must offer their right arms to bridesmaids, maid of honor and bride because they wear (or carry) a sword on the left. The bride's po­sition is also on the right of the groom when he is in military dress (this refers to the position at the altar because she is always on his right in the recessional).

If the bride is the daughter of an Army or Navy man, some­times the chaplain of the post is asked to perform the ceremony. This is usually the case if the bride is marrying an Army or Navy man.

If the bride's family is civilian, they may ask the chaplain of the groom's post or station to perform the marriage in the bride's own church, or have their own clergyman.

Note: During the week after graduation at West Point or Annapolis, newly graduated officers may be married in the chapels at the academies. The bride's own clergyman or the chaplain of the academy officiates. During this week, there are usually several weddings each day, one following another immediately. The rush is so great that one mass rehearsal may be scheduled. If this is the situation, we recommend that the bride go over the procedure of the rehearsal with the clergyman well in advance of the wedding and have a private rehearsal at home some week-end when the men can be there.

The bride may have the same number of attendants she would have for a non-military wedding. Groomsmen may be both mili­tary and civilian although traditionally they are supposed to be all military for a military wedding. If there are circumstances whereby the wedding party must be comprised of both civilians and the military, it is advisable to pair non-civilians and military wherever possible. Sometimes civilian ushers are left at the foot of the chancel steps while only the military ushers move up into the chancel. Otherwise the ushers take the usual places in the processional and the best man and ushers are placed for the cere­mony as at any other wedding ceremony (without regard to their rank) and the usual recessional occurs (Chapter VII), except when there is to be the arch of swords.

Reserve officers on active duty may plan a military wedding. Ushers at a military wedding are never supposed to walk up the aisle in the processional single file, they always must be in pairs.

Decorations for the church: as usual, white flowers are used at the altar and for pew decorations. National and regimental colors or unit standards may appear at the altar in position for the bride and groom to stand under for the ceremony. Sometimes the flags are crossed.

Question i 1: What about receptions for military weddings?

Answer: The bride and groom cut the first piece of the bride's wed­ding cake with the groom's sword or saber (see Cake Cutting, Chapter VII). The cake might be made the shape of the groom's corps insignia. After the first slice of cake is cut with the sword or saber, the bride makes a wish.

The bride's family may seat the groom's commanding officer and wife at the bridal table or the parents' table, as a special cour­tesy. Protocol on rank must be observed strictly in seating at tables if several members of the services are seated at one table.

Higher ranks, of course, are given the distinguished positions.

Among other musical selections, "Army Blue" or "Anchors Aweigh" may be included.

Decorations may be planned around regimental flags—place cards may have Army or Navy insignia.

The best man's toast to the bride usually includes a welcome to the service. There are times that another arch of swords is made over the bride's head in preparation for this toast, or at the conclusion of it.

Note: For details concerning receptions, see Chapter VII.

Question 12: What must the bride know concerning "at home" and card calling?

Answer: The bride whose husband is stationed on a military post or at a Navy Yard, should know the following: If her husband is a commissioned officer, she will be given a reception by the wives of other officers. If the reception is large enough to warrant a receiving line, the bride and groom together with the command­ing officer and his wife will stand in the line. If a wedding present is presented from the other officers and their wives, the bride is expected to make a little thank-you speech there and then.

Protocol is adhered to more closely on a military or naval post than in Washington. Wives' positions are based on their hus­band's rank. Socially, wives of senior officers precede those of junior officers. Card calling is a must for newly arrived bride and groom. First, without fail, they must call on the commanding officer. There is no special time limit on this obligation in rela­tion to arrival. However, an adjutant should be asked imme­diately after arrival what might be a convenient time to call. The groom (who is the officer) leaves one card for the commanding officer of the post and one for his wife. In addition, the bride's personal card is left for the commander's wife. The bride and groom should never leave a joint card. The next obligation is for the bride and groom to call upon the husband's immediate su­perior. Cards are left exactly as for the commanding officer and his wife. Should an officer be a bachelor with a female relative living with him to act as his official hostess, she is included in the card leaving, exactly as though she were his wife. After the bride and groom have made the two duty calls, and have had a chance to settle into their new living accommodations, they should then let the adjutant know that they are ready to receive visitors. They do so by having their cards put up on the bulletin by the adjutant. There are official calling hours. The bride makes sure she is at home during those hours for several weeks thereafter. She will not plan to serve any sort of beverage or repast. People will simply come to call and will go on quickly in order to make sure they meet other new arrivals within the official hours for calling. How­ever, it is all right to suggest tea or some such. Some guests may have more time than others. The bride is expected to return the call within two weeks (unless, of course, she has some good reason why this is impossible). With many people calling on her at first, she might note the date of each visit on the back of each card, so that she can remember when her time limit is up in fulfilling her return obligation. Calling hours are from 7:45 p.m. to 9:00 p.m., daily, excluding Saturdays, and on Sundays from 4:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. One authority explains that in Washington the Army has directed its officers to inform the men they are no longer obligated to call on their superiors. This came about because of the great number of officers that came into Washington during and after the last World Wars. However, it would be wise for the bride and groom arriving in Washington to check the adju­tant on this immediately. Certainly there are some obligations to be observed. The adjutant will know whether cards should be left at the White House.

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