WEDDING INVITATIONS AND ANNOUNCEMENTS

1. Commentary

Wedding invitations and announcements are sent to the family, friends and acquaintances (including business associates) of both the bride's and groom's families. Tradition has established certain forms for wedding invitations and announcements. It is better to omit them entirely than to be careless in the forms used. Their purpose is to announce an event of importance to family, church and society; to invite a guest to be present for this important event.

The bride's parents, if living, issue the invitations and announce­ments, even if they are unable to attend the wedding (in case the bride is not living at home). If neither of her parents is living, her nearest relatives issue them; if she has none, a friend may do so, or she and the groom. (See forms in this section for arrangement and wording.) They are rarely issued by the groom's parents, and should never be according to American standards. (See below, for explanation.) Even though the forms are governed by rigid, tradi­tional rules, there are slight variations. The more expensive the engraving, the more artistic the engraver, the more variations. For instance, we are told that "junior" after a name should be used without capitals, unless abbreviated. The abbreviation, being a modern trend, should not be used in script lettering. Yet there is one very elegant form of script lettering that uses "Junr.". Less expensive forms and simulated engraving should not deviate from the rigid rules—these forms will look incorrect rather than im­aginative if they do.

If engraved, invitations and announcements are considered for­mal. And formal invitations and announcements should never be anything but engraved. There are informal ways to invite guests to a wedding and to announce a marriage. (See Supplement III.)

Some of the processes for printed invitations and simulated en­graving have been wonderfully improved in the last few years, and are becoming increasingly popular with discriminating people. There are some people today who have large, formal weddings and receptions who cannot afford to do everything the most expensive way—and others who can afford anything but prefer to be con­servative in their expenditures. (For simulated engraving, see further in this supplement.)

Engraved invitations take time and should be ordered well in advance of the date they are to be mailed. Engravers can do the job quickly if needed. But, like other parts of wedding planning, the engraving will be better if ample time is allowed for it. As soon as an engraving order is placed, envelopes can be delivered in order that the addressing may be started at once. The name of a good stationer, embossed under the flap of the envelope, lends dignity. There is no charge for this.

2. Paper

This must be conservative, traditional wedding paper, heavy white or light ivory with a kid finish (vellum with a rag content) or a plate finish. However, if the paper has a glazed finish, it does not absolutely have to be of the traditional heavy weight, according to the modern trend (invitations are sometimes sent air mail). The wedding stationery should if possible be on the finest quality of paper because the message is one of great importance. There are blue-white, green-white and blush-white tints of wedding paper which are acceptable if the tint is very light indeed. The paper is a double sheet. It may have a raised border about an inch all the way around, called a panel or something described as a raised margin or a plate-mark. Or it may be plain.

Usually invitations and announcements each have two enve­lopes. During the war, there was a smaller invitation for which one envelope was used. Some authorities consider one envelope cor­rect, but two are more usually used. There is a rare instance, usu­ally only in war time, when an invitation or an announcement may be engraved on a sheet with a flap at the top which is gummed. The sheet of paper folds, and when the gummed flap is stuck, the paper forms its own envelope. This kind is not recommended ex­cept as a paper-saving device. Two envelopes are recommended— the idea is that the message is so important that the inner envelope should be protected and kept clean from post marks and the han­dling by the postman.

The engraved message is placed on the first page of the double sheet. When the invitation is being sponsored by both the bride's and the groom's parents, however, there is an exception: each family has a message with its own name at the beginning. In such cases, one message is engraved on the left of the inside of the double fold of the sheet of paper, the other on the right.

The standard size is from 4½" x 5½" to 5" x 6½" to 5" x 7¼", depending on whether the double sheet is to be folded once before being inserted into the envelope or not. Smaller sizes are never folded before being inserted, larger sizes may or may not be folded. If a larger size is not folded, there will be envelopes in extra large size provided to fit. Those that fold once before being inserted in the envelope were at one time considered the best possible taste. Now, those that may be inserted without folding are considered entirely proper. If the family has selected a type face for engraving that does not look well on the smaller size, or if the message is too long for the small size, it is more desirable to use the larger size. Some like the larger size even with a short message because they like the appearance of space around the engraved letters. Some people feel that it is better to use the folded sheets if separate cards are to be included. Others believe that the separate cards may be inserted between the double sheet so that an invitation may be used unfolded Without danger of the extra cards being left in the envelope by mistake. Most agree that the extra cards should be placed just on top of the first sheet over the engraved message, whether or not the invitation is folded. Consideration should be given to the type of lettering and the length of the message before ordering an invitation with a raised panel. Sometimes the use of the panel causes the message to be squeezed into its space.

3.         Devices

If the bride's family has an inherited right to use a coat of arms (crest, shield and motto), it may be embossed in white at the top center of the invitations and announcements. Another authority mentions that the coat of arms might be embossed in color as is customary on other stationery. Some authorities say that only the entire coat of arms should be used, and that one cannot be used on invitations issued by a woman alone in her name only. Another authority mentions that a crest, crest and motto, or coat of arms may be used if the bride's family has one and if the invitations and announcements are issued in their name. If the groom's family has a coat of arms and the bride's does not, the invitations are, of course, issued without a coat of arms since the bride's family issues them. However, if the bride and groom issue their own announce­ments sometime after the wedding ceremony is over, and the groom has a coat of arms which he is entitled to use, they may use this on their joint announcement.

The crest is sometimes used by women for menu cards, place cards and writing paper, but it should not be used by a woman on a wedding invitation and/or announcement issued in her name alone. A lozenge is a device made in the shape of a diamond with the family shield engraved on it. This may be used correctly by a widow or unmarried woman. An unmarrried woman would have her father's shield engraved in the lozenge. A widow uses both her husband's and her father's shields—the former on the left and the latter on the right, with a vertical line down the center of the lozenge, dividing the two. If the bride's mother or some other woman is issuing the invitations and/or the announcements in her name alone, she does not correctly use her husband's or her family's full coat of arms, but she may correctly use her lozenge. Devices are not used on separate cards enclosed with invitations, such as ceremony, reception, at home, church admission, pew cards or train cards.

4.         Engraving

Lettering is engraved by hand on a copper plate and transposed in black ink on wedding stationery. There is also a process of machine engraving and another which is a combination of the two. Hand engraving is recommended for script lettering. For lettering styles other than script, the etching process may be used.

Because etched plates can be produced in less time than hand-engraved ones, they are less expensive. And yet they are compa­rable in quality to hand-engraved plates using the same style of lettering. The letters are engraved by a skilled specialist by means of a pantographic mechanism, and etched by acid. Styles of letter­ing have names: Script or English Script; London Script; Windsor; Mayfair; St. James; Antique Roman; Norman; Modified Roman; Solid Antique; Shaded Roman.

Prices are estimated by the letter to determine the cost of the copper plate; the price of the stationery per 100 sheets, including double envelopes, is added to that. Sometimes the price is given for the copper plate of seven or nine lines, and the price of the paper is included. An order of 100 is the minimum possible when a copper plate is involved. After the first 100, the remainder needed may be ordered in multiples of 25. This applies also to ceremony cards, breakfast cards, or any of the other small cards described in this section under forms. After the first 100, the price is only for the paper. After a copper plate is once made, you may have as many invitations run off from it as you need for the additional cost of the paper. The copper plate is yours after it is once made up and is delivered with the invitations and announcements. Some people like to have the copper plate made up into a card tray or the top of a cigarette box. Engraving is like every thing else—you get exactly what you pay for. Hand engraving is more elegant than machine, and machine engraving is more elegant than simulated engraving. Samples of lettering from Saks Fifth Avenue, Tiffany & Co., and others are given.

It is suggested that you order paper for your stationery trousseau and have plates made for your new name for your visiting cards and informals at the same time you order your invitations and announcements.

If you order your engraving from a reputable jeweler or sta­tioner or department store in your community, you need not doubt the quality of engraving, nor should you have to question whether your order has been genuinely engraved. However, it is good to know that there is a difference in the feel of engraved lettering, and genuine engraving leaves an indentation on the other side of the paper which simulated engraving does not. The way the letters are made when genuinely engraved could never be confused with the simulated ones.

 Often when it comes time to order invitations and announce­ments, the father of the bride or a business associate of the groom knows someone in the printing business who can get them done less expensively and they will be "just as nice" as those from the town's leading jeweler or stationer or department store. Then what happens? Your precious invitations and announcements are done, in this case, by a commerical printer who has not specialized in social engraving—and the two are worlds apart. This is a world of specialization: the printer who does engraving for business and advertising firms, may not know enough about social correspond­ence. If you plan to spend anything at all on the invitations, etc., why not spend a little more and have them done correctly? I£ the budget must be considered to the extent that you feel you cannot afford genuine engraved invitations and announcements from the best source in your city, then compromise on the best simulated engraved ones from the best source available. Have the best of whatever quality you can afford, not the second or third best of something you cannot afford. This is the one thing you should not get wholesale: you need expert advice on form for your par­ticular situation as well as good engraving.

5. Simulated Engraving

There are numerous methods of simulated engraving: One method is to print from regular type with a certain kind of ink that raises when baked under heat; another method is to raise up the paper around the lettering. Still another method is photographing from type.

From Brentano's in New York City, we have samples of styles of lettering done by Thermograph—raised printing. When this is done on the best rag content vellum paper available, it looks quite lovely. There are many styles of lettering available in this process—and they seem exactly like genuinely engraved letters (with the difference mentioned in our commentary about the slight variations in lettering engraved by hand). The only real difference is that there is no indentation on the back as in genuine engraving. Invitations and/or announcements in simulated en­graving by Thermograph may be ordered in quantities of 25 up, whereas genuinely engraved ones must be ordered on the basis of 100 minimum. The price for simulated engraving is approximately half that for genuine engraving. If simulated engraved invitations and announcements are ordered from a stationer of the reputation of Brentano's (who, by the way, also do the finest genuine engrav­ing), you are sure you will have good quality. Supplement—Wed­ding Invitations and Announcements.

In general, the difference in cost of the raised printing in com­parison with engraving is simply the cost of the copper plate, pro­vided the same quality of paper is used. The copper plate may vary from around $12 to approximately $35—variations caused by the type of lettering and the number of lines. When you are told that you can save so much on invitations and announcements by using simulated engraving, you might be well advised to check thor­oughly on the comparison of costs before you settle for something less than the best. You might discover that you will not save the considerable amount of money you were led to believe that you would. If you mentally shy away from genuine engraving because you believe it to be something out of your class, you might change your mind and decide to have it if you study samples of lettering, see the difference, and discover that the additional cost would be no more than $25!

6. Wedding Guest List

The bride's mother and the groom's mother make up the lists. Sometimes the number of guests to be included in the ceremony and reception is divided equally between the families. Other times, the bride's mother has more than the groom's. The latter usually would be the case if the groom's family lives at a distance. In any event, the bride's mother is the one to tell the groom's mother ap­proximately how many guests may be included in the invitation list. The lists should include all members of both families, all close friends, and all other friends and acquaintances that space provides and the families would like to have attend. Remember to include old family retainers, business associates of the two fathers and of the groom as well as of the bride if she is a career girl and will continue to work after marriage. An invitation is a warm, friendly version of an announcement. Many times invitations are sent to people whom you would like to have attend your wedding and you want them to know this, even though you realize they live so far away that they cannot possibly make it, or have other reasons to prevent their attendance. Usually you include the fol­lowing:

The clergyman and his wife.

Note: It has been suggested that the clergyman and his wife may feel obligated to buy a wedding present if an invitation to the wedding reception is sent them, and therefore it might be better to invite them by word of mouth. We have discussed in this book under "Wedding Guest" that professional people to whom the bride's family extend the wedding reception invitations (as presents, rather than giving tips which they feel would be inappropriate in view of the dignity of the professional standing of those people) should not feel obligated to send wedding presents. We believe that common sense would prompt any one of these professional people, who had not met or known the bride's family except through the medium of his profession at the time of the wedding preparations, to realize that the family certainly does not expect a wedding present in his case. We furthermore are of the opinion that if a professional person is to be invited to the wedding recep­tion, that person should receive an engraved invitation, just as all other persons invited.

The maid of honor, best man, bridesmaids and ushers.

If any members of the bridal party are married, their husbands or wives are included in the invitation.

It is customary to invite the parents of members of the bridal party.

One would not think that anyone would forget to invite grand­parents of the bride and groom, but they might, so we mention them here. They like to receive engraved invitations through the mail.

Engraved invitations are even sent through the mail to the groom's brothers and sisters who may be living at home and ac­tually are part of the wedding plans.

Several invitations are usually sent or given to the groom's mother by the bride's mother just before they are to be mailed. The groom's mother will want them as keepsakes—and also she is entitled to know when they are mailed. The bride's mother usu­ally keeps a few as keepsakes for herself.

A widow may wonder whether she should include the members of her former husband's family in the invitations to her second wedding. Whether she does or not depends entirely upon her per­sonal relationship with them—there is no rigidly correct or in­correct word on this. There is no reason why they should not be invited, nor is there any reason to feel obligated to invite them. It would seem that if they are not invited to the wedding, an­nouncements might be sent them.

After each mother's list is complete, they are combined; dupli­cates are removed, and some are eliminated if the number is too great. The wedding being the financial responsibility of the bride's family, her mother usually has preference in final decisions.

Unless you know from the beginning that yours will be a small, informal ceremony and reception, it is wise to begin your original list immediately after the engagement is announced, even before you have decided the number of guests you can invite. That list is something that cannot be started too early. I£ it turns out that you cannot include all you have on it, it is easy enough to eliminate names. Many brides' families have trouble getting the lists from grooms' mothers. People procrastinate just as they do when getting up a Christmas card list. It is well, therefore, to begin in time to ask the groom's mother for her list.

Compile your list as you do a Christmas card list, for instance, from your address book, old Christmas card lists, the social regis­ter, the telephone book, church and club lists, entertainment lists you may have put together, a list from the bride's father's place of business, and alumni directories. You invite only those you know well enough to be certain of their interest in attending your wedding. You use the social register, the Blue Book and the tele­phone directory only as reminders to yourself of those you might overlook until too late, and to check on the correct spelling of names as well as correct addresses. Remember, too, that invita­tions and announcements must be mailed all at one time—not like Christmas cards when you may run out and buy a few more the day before Christmas to send to people you forgot!

We suggest the following as a good method of compiling and keeping your list: buy 3" x 5" white index cards, and an alpha­betical card box in which these fit. List your guests, one person's name on each card (or Mr. and Mrs.), as "Desmond, Mr. and Mrs. Ralph Spooner." You might as well get their full names as soon as possible because you cannot use initials. Putting the last name first makes it easier to file alphabetically. Then list their addresses. (For detailed instructions about how many invitations you will need, see Addressing and Mailing.) When there are several chil­dren under twelve or thirteen, one invitation may be used carrying all the names, or they may be included in the parents' invitation. But children in their teens and adult members of the family living at the same address should each have his own invitation. However, it is possible to put the names of two daughters on one envelope, or two sons on another, or a brother and sister together, or a daughter with her parents, if you feel you must conserve on invita­tions. An adult son is never included in the parents' invitation— he must have his own. The phrase "and family" should not be used. The section on "Addressing," as suggested above, will ex­plain how many names and which names can go on one envelope—then you will know how many invitations you will need. After you establish the number, and which names are to go on an en­velope, you will know how many cards to make out. A separate card should be made out for each invitation to be sent, even if two or more are going to the same address. This will be less con­fusing later on. Go through your list until you have cards for all guests you think you will invite to the ceremony or reception, or both, and to all people to whom you will send announcements. If you can think of a tactful way to ask the groom's mother to fol­low the same procedure with her lists, you will have less work to do. If not, you will have to do this same thing with her lists. As you make out your cards, check all spelling of names, correct titles, correct addresses in order not to lose time when you are ready to address the envelopes. You will use spelling, titles and ad­dresses from the groom's mother exactly as she gives them to you. It is her responsibility to supply you with an absolutely correct list in all respects. If she has not sent the list to you in typed form, you should check with her if you are in any doubt about spelling because of her handwriting. Interfile her cards in the box with yours, unless your guest list is up in the hundreds, in which case you better have one box for invitations and another for announce­ments. Now go through the cards and mark on each one "Invitation" or "Announcement." You do not send both to the same people. If they are in separate boxes, mark the outside of the box. If all guests receiving invitations are being invited to the ceremony at church and part to the reception afterwards, you next go through the cards marked "Invitation" and add a notation "Reception" on those that are to have a reception card enclosed with their in­vitations. If you are inviting everyone to the reception and only a few to the ceremony, go through the cards and add a notation "Ceremony" under the word "Invitation"; if all guests receiving invitations are being invited to both ceremony and reception, you do not make any further notation other than "Invitation." No­tations will have to be made for those that are to receive church admission cards, pew cards, train cards, at home cards, unless all are to receive them.

You will need two more file boxes, one for "Acceptances" and the other for "Regrets" because these, too, should be kept alpha­betically. You may find it just as easy to mark with a red pencil "O" in the upper lefthand corner of the card for those who accept, and "X" in the same manner for the regrets, and leave them filed alphabetically in the same box. The way to judge the number of guests when you are ready to give this information to the caterer is described in Chapter VI Wedding Plans.

This chore really does have to be done early in wedding plan­ning because you cannot make commitments for the reception until you have a fairly clear idea of how many people you intend to invite. And you cannot order invitations and announcements until you have an approximate idea of your lists.

7.Addressing Envelopes and Mailing

As in all phases of the wedding preparation, there are rules for this which should be followed meticulously. Invitations are mailed all at one time, three to four weeks in advance of the wedding date. Announcements are mailed all at one time on the day of the wed­ding, immediately after the ceremony, or on the day after. An­nouncements are never mailed before the ceremony. In special circumstances, announcements are sometimes mailed considerably after the wedding. When both invitations and announcements have been ordered, they are usually addressed at the same time. It is easier to do it all, once you've begun. Envelopes can be delivered to you immediately after you have placed the order for engraving so that you can begin addressing them even before the engraved invitations and announcements are ready. Use black ink, or dark blue. No other color is suitable. All must be addressed by hand, according to a certain form—see sketches, further in this supple­ment. They must never be addressed by typewriter.

For a large, formal wedding, the bride's mother may require the services of a social secretary for addressing and mailing.

Invitations and announcements are addressed the same way and both have double envelopes. Two envelopes are used, the inside one to enclose the invitation or announcement and the accompany­ing cards, if any, the outside one to protect the enclosures and to ensure their delivery in a clean envelope. The invitation of en­velope size is inserted in the inner envelope, with the engraved side up. A larger invitation is folded in half with the engraving inside, and inserted, folded edge down, in the inner envelope. The inner envelope is never sealed. It is placed in the outer envelope so that its face, with the guest's name, is toward the raised flap of the outside envelope. The name will be visible immediately, there­fore, when the outer envelope is removed. When there is a small, unfolded type of invitation, the card, to be enclosed, should be laid face up on top of the invitation and in the center of it, with the engraving running the same way as the engraving on the in­vitation. Thus they are not in position to slip sideways and get down into the bottom of the envelope where they might be over­looked when the invitation is withdrawn from the envelope by its recipient. There are some jewelers and stationers, however, who would put these separate cards in between the fold of the double-fold sheet of the invitation. When the invitation is the larger size that is folded over once before being inserted in the envelope, the separate cards are enclosed within.

There is great difference of opinion as to whether the tissues should or should not be left in when the invitations are sent. This "tissue" is a square or oblong cut of tissue paper, cut to the size of the engraved message. It is inserted next to the engraving to pre­vent any offset smudging. Some authorities say these tissues should, by all means, be removed before the invitations are sent; others say it is advisable to leave them in when mailing. Some advise leaving them in only if the climate is humid and inclined to damp­ness, or only if the ink is not quite dry. A stationer advises that the ink used in plate printing an engraved invitation is likely to offset (to rub off onto the surface of any part of the invitation with which it may come into contact when the invitation is folded). Thus, a tissue inserted on the face of each engraved card or sheet going into an invitation, eliminates the possibility of any off­setting. Actually, a single tissue placed over the engraved message will be adequate protection when a reception or any other card is enclosed—you do not need another tissue over the card. Some people think the tissues add to the elegance of the invitations be­cause they make them look "packaged" and well-protected, while others think they are an objectionable necessity, to be avoided as much as possible. When the invitations go into the envelope with­out folding, there is obviously less need or excuse for tissues—but, there again, some people like to use them anyway.

If a social secretary is engaged, the handwriting will be formal, stylized social type. However, if you do the addressing yourself, or friends help you, all that is required is legibility and neatness. (See forms for addressing.)

Best usage requires that abbreviations not be used unless "Jr." is used after an exceptionally long name; "Dr." is sometimes used.

Full names should be used, not abbreviations. "Mr." and "Mrs." are, of course, acceptable abbreviations. An initial instead of a name should not be used unless the person is never known by anything other than the initial. For instance, Mr. C. Chester Champion would be used if Mr. Champion never used his first name for which the "C." stands. This is the only exception. Other­wise, get people's full names correctly, discovering what initials stand for, before beginning to address the envelopes. When spelled out, "junior" is not capitalized. Nicknames should be avoided.

Punctuation is used only where words requiring separation occur on the same line. In social address, omit commas wherever possible.

Permanent titles such as "The Right Reverend," or "Doctor," and Army or Navy titles may be used. Temporary titles should not be used either when addressing the envelopes or when filling in a guest's name by hand on that form of invitation.

The address should have the name of the street written out in full, the numerals also wherever possible. If the numbers are too long for this, put those that identify the house in numeral form and write out the street. Cities and states are always written out in full. When an invitation or announcement is being mailed in the same city as that in which the wedding is taking or has taken place, the name of the state does not appear. City and state occupy separate lines. Handwriting on the envelope should be legible, and neat.

"Esq." after a young man's name or a bachelor's name is correct provided it is used without a title in front of the name. It may follow "Jr·" or"II" if no title is used. It is only used in social cor­respondence and is optional. "II"—"III"—"2nd"—"3rd"—"sec­ond"—"third" are all correct. "Sr." is treated just as "Jr." and is not capitalized if written in full. When the inside envelope is ad­dressed with "Mr. and Mrs." of "Miss" or "Mr." and the surname only, "Jr.," "Sr.," "II," "III," "Esq." are not used after the name. These are to be used only when the full name is used (and Esq. is not used together with a title).

In social correspondence, if the only address you know for a man or a woman is their business one, you may put "personal" in the lower left-hand corner of the envelope (in order that it will not be opened by a secretary or an assistant in the office). Other­wise, "personal" is not used because it is assumed that members of a household do not open each other's mail, and it might be thought an insult that you considered it necessary to mark a letter "Per­sonal." If you know only a former address and not the present one for someone, it is customary to write in the lower left-hand corner, "Please Forward."

The inside envelope has no gum on the flap and should be ad­dressed to "Mr. and Mrs. John Stuart Hamilton," or "Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton," or have no name at all. The address is not used on the inside envelope—only on the outside one which, of course, is necessary for mailing purposes. All three methods mentioned above are currently used, and any one is correct. The outer en­velope is addressed with the guest's full name and address, and this is the one that is sealed securely and that bears the stamp and re­turn address (if used).

You are more courteous to send a separate invitation to each individual member of a family even though they all live at one address, with the exception of the invitation for a husband and wife and children under twelve or thirteen. There is no obligation to invite small children to a wedding and reception—it is not cus­tomary nor expected—and in most cases everyone is better off if you do not. However, you know your guests' dispositions and will have to decide whether to include their children on a personal basis. There are people who seem to believe their small children should be invited everywhere. Or you, personally, may want their

children to attend. In any event "Mr. and Mrs.—and Family" should not go on the outer envelope. Some say that if it is necessary to include an entire family on one invitation, it may be written on the inner envelope and the outer one addressed simply, "Mr. and Mrs."

If you decide that you want to invite the children of a family who are twelve or thirteen or under: address the outer envelope to "The Misses and Messrs. Stuart," and the inner envelope, "Sarah, Jane, Alfred and Harold," listing their first names. Another authority says that if there are several small children, one invita­tion may be used for them, with all their first names listed on the inner envelope and this may be enclosed in the outer envelope addressed simply to their parents. Or two invitations may be used, one for the little girls and one for the little boys: the girls' inner envelope addressed, "The Misses Stuart" and the boys' inner en­velope addressed, "The Messrs. Stuart"; these envelopes, with the invitation to the parents in its inner envelope addressed simply to "Mr. and Mrs. Stuart" all enclosed in one outer envelope addressed to the parents, "Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart" with the street address. Another way is to use one invitation for the parents and the children (still referring to small children), addressing the outer envelope to "Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart," (plus the address), and the inner envelope to "Mr. and Mrs. Stuart," and, beneath their name, listing the first names of the children. Should you want to send an individual invitation to a girl or boy under twelve or thirteen, the outer envelope is addressed to "Miss Sarah Stuart" or to "Master Alfred Stuart." Or one invitation, bearing both names on the outer envelope, may be sent to both. The inner envelope might be addressed, "Sarah," "Alfred." If the children are teen agers (twelve or thirteen up to eighteen): no more than two can be used on the same envelope, so the daughters will have to be used with the parents and a separate one sent to the sons when there are both girls and boys in the family, or one invitation sent to "Mr. and Mrs." and another to "The Misses Stuart" and "The Messrs. Stuart" (or "Misses Stuart" and "Messrs. Stuart"). If there is only one child, either son or daughter, his or her name may be added just under that of the parents. On the outer en­velope:

Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart

Miss Sarah Stuart On the inner envelope:

Mr. and Mrs. Stuart Miss Stuart

Note: Some say a daughter's first name is not to be used on the outer envelope under her parents' name if she is an only daughter. Both ways are acceptable. For a son, on the outer envelope: Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart Alfred Stuart On the inner envelope:

Mr. and Mrs. Stuart Alfred

Note: A young man in his teens, until he is eighteen, is addressed on an envelope as "Alfred Stuart" without any title. The title of "Miss" is used with a girl's name from the time she is born. For addressing brothers (never father and son), the abbreviation of the French word for "Misters" is used: "Messrs." If there are several young men in a family and you are addressing your invita­tion not to all of them, but perhaps to only two, then you identify them as: "The Messrs. Alfred and Harold Stuart." If there are only two brothers in the family, you may write their address as "The Messrs. Stuart" or "Messrs. Stuart," on both the outer and inner envelopes. This applies also to young men over eighteen who other­wise might be addressed on the envelope "Mr. Alfred and Mr. Harold Stuart." And if there are more than two brothers, all of whom you wish to invite, you may address the envelopes, outer and inner, to "The Messrs. Stuart."

Note: Another way to address two brothers, using one invitation, for the outer envelope:

James Usted Stuart, Esq. Christopher Hale Stuart, Esq. Seventy Fifth Avenue New York New York

For the inner envelope:

The Messrs. Stuart
"Esq." is used when no title is used. Therefore this method may be applied to young men from twelve or thirteen years old who or­dinarily are not addressed on social envelopes as "Mr." or to young men of eighteen or older who may be addressed as "Mr." but whose title is not used together with "Esq." It denotes a young man or a bachelor.

Another authority says that older children may be addressed on the outer envelope as: "The Misses Stuart" or "The Messrs. Stuart," and on the inner envelope by their first names only.

If sons and daughters are adults and living at a different address from their parents, they must each receive a separate invitation. If they are adults living at the same address as their parents, it is more gracious to send them each their own invitation. If there is one adult daughter and one adult son, the daughter's name may be combined with her parents' envelope, or she may receive her own; but a grown son receives his own invitation, or his name may be combined with his sister's. In other words, if there is one adult daughter and one adult son, the daughter's name could be combined with her parents' envelope and the son sent an individual invitation, or the parents may be sent one and the brother and sister one together.

Note: In further connection with the outer envelope: Some say that if there is only one daughter, her name would be written, "Miss Stuart." The same is true if she is the elder or eldest daughter: for instance, the elder daughter is "Miss Stuart," while her younger sister is "Miss Jane Stuart." Modern usage is inclined to disregard this custom because it suggests spinsterhood or age, so "Miss Sarah Stuart and Miss Jane Stuart" is the form more frequently used. Also more personal identification is customary now than formerly, so "Miss Sarah Stuart" is more frequently used for an only daughter whose name is combined with her parents' on an envelope than simply "Miss Stuart." Another way to address two sisters is: "The Misses Sarah and Jane Stuart," or, "Misses Sarah and Jane Stuart" on the outer envelope, and "The Misses Stuart" or "Misses Stuart" on the inner.

The only time two people may receive one invitation other than a husband and wife is when two members of one family live at one address.

Invitations to close relatives of the bride and possibly of the groom (unless the bride does not know them except quite formally) are usually addressed more personally on the inside envelope: in­stead of "Mr. and Mrs. James Wadsworth Langdon" there might be "Aunt Helen and Uncle Jim" or "Grandmother and Grand­father," especially if that is what the bride has always called them.

Return addresses may be embossed in white on the outer flap of the outer envelope. Some maintain this is the only correct way to use a return address. Others say that if they are essential in some cases, they should be written by hand on the outside flap of the outer envelope. Others say that they are not correctly used, under any circumstances, on invitations and announcements. However, if the address of a distantly located friend is in doubt, it is per­missible to put the return address in the upper left corner of the envelope, so that it may be returned if the letter is not delivered. There is a story circulating about a family who got hold of faulty stamps that came off the invitations in the mail. In consequence, many people did not receive their invitations. Hurt feelings re­sulted, some of which were never soothed. Either have your return address embossed in white on the back flap, or stick the stamps on in advance in order to be sure that they will not fall off. In any event, stamps should be placed carefully, not stuck on haphazardly. Wedding invitations and announcements are sent first class mail with the outside envelope stuck down firmly. They may be sent air mail or special delivery if this is necessary.

8. Forms

Wedding invitations to the ceremony

When the bride's parents are living, the invitations are issued in the name of her parents and this is called the "traditional" form:

Form #1
Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Ann
to
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels on Saturday, the tenth of May
at twelve o'clock Saint Peter's Cathedral

Explanation of, and variations in the wording of the traditional form: "The honour of your presence" is used when the ceremony is a religious one. The traditional spelling of "honour" must be used; "The pleasure of your company" is used for the invitation to the reception or is the wording used when the ceremony and the reception are in one place and all guests are invited to both.

Note: Although "request the honour of your presence" is generally used only on invitations to a church wedding, this wording is now sometimes used when the invitation is to both ceremony and re­ception.

The hour is always spelled out: "at four o'clock," "at half after four o'clock," "at half-past four o'clock," "at quarter-past four o'clock," "at quarter before four o'clock," "at high noon," "at twelve o'clock," "at twelve o'clock noon."

The phrase "in the morning" or "in the evening" is sometimes used: "at ten o'clock in the morning," "at eight o'clock in the eve­ning," "Daylight saving time" may be engraved after the time of day on an invitation to avoid confusion. Or a separate card may be enclosed reading "Daylight saving time,"

Patterns for placing addresses on outer envelopes:

Note: "Half-past" and "quarter-past" are modern innovations and should not be used with script lettering.

The year may or may not be engraved on a wedding invitation. If used, it would be engraved under the line "on Saturday, the tenth of May" of Form # I above. If the family wishes to have a tray or a cigarette box made later from the engraved copper plate, the year might be included.

The address of the church is not included unless there is more than one church in the city or town with the same name, or unless, in a metropolitan center, the church may not be known. Then the address is added under the name of the church and just above the name of the city. Numerals are used only when the numbers, if written out, would make the address too long to fit on one line. Often the numbers identifying the church (or house) are the long ones and are engraved as numerals, but the number of the street is spelled out. If space permits, it is better to write out both.

R.S.V.P. is never engraved on invitations to church only, be­cause a reply is not expected.

"Junior" should be written out without a capital "j." Or, "Jr." is being used as a modern trend. Since it is a modern trend, it should not be used with script lettering—

to

Mr. Robert Brock Daniels, junior "II"—"III"—"2nd"—"3rd"— "second"—"third"—are all correct—

To

Mr. Robert Brock Daniels, 11 (or 2nd or second). Modern usage permits omission of "Mr." before the groom's name. Since this is a modern trend, it should not be adapted when a form of script lettering has been selected. There is a modern trend to eliminate "on" before the day of the wedding; if this is done, it should not be with any type of script lettering.

Invitations to church only are often sent to everyone whom you would like to have know of your wedding instead of announce­ments—whether they could possibly attend or not. This is only done when there is a large church because many who live close by will come.

Note: For information on how the year is to be engraved, see wedding announcement. The year is customarily included on wedding an­nouncements.

When London script is used, "junior" is usually abbreviated as "Jun."

Church wedding invitations—traditional form with guest's name handwritten in:

Form #2
Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
request the honour of Mr. and Mrs. Gerald Anderson Wards'
or (Mr. and Mrs. Wards')
presence at the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Ann
to
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels
on Saturday, the tenth of May etc.

Note: The most formal invitation of any kind is one made with the guest's name written in by hand (in black ink). It pays special re­spect to the guest invited. Because of the great amount of extra effort required to fill the names in by hand, invitations to the wedding ceremony are more often engraved as Form #I above with the word "your" substituting for the guest's name, especially for a large church wedding, where many guests are invited.

When only one of the bride's parents is living, the invitations are issued in the name of the living parent alone, or, if the parent has remarried, they may still be issued in the parent's name alone or they may, in this case, be issued in the name of the parent and the step-parent.

If the living parent has not remarried—Father's invitation:
Form #3
Mr. John Hamilton Stuart
requests the honour of your presence
at the marriage of his daughter
Sarah Ann etc.

If the living parent has not remarried—Mother's invitation (a widow uses her former husband's full name as long as she has not remarried):

Form #4
Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
requests the honour of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter
Sarah Ann
etc.

If the living parent is her father and has remarried, he may issue invitations in his name only, and follow Form #3 above, or he may issue invitations with his second wife following one of the three forms as follows (it is not necessary to use the bride's sur­name because it is the same as her father's):

Form #5
Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Ann
etc.

Form #6

Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of Mr. Stuart's daughter
Sarah Ann
etc.

Form #7

Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of his daughter
Sarah Ann
etc.
If the bride's mother is widowed and has remarried, she may issue invitations in her name alone (using her husband's name) or in her name and her husband's, following one of the four forms as follows:

Form #8

Mrs. Alward Sylvester Hoe
requests the honour of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter
Sarah Ann Stuart etc.

Form #9

Mr. and Mrs. Alward Sylvester Hoe
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Ann Stuart etc.

Form #10

Mr. and Mrs. Alward Sylvester Hoe
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of Mrs. Hoe's daughter
Sarah Ann Stuart etc.

Form #11

Mr. and Mrs. Alward Sylvester Hoe
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter
Sarah Ann Stuart etc.

When the bride's parents are divorced, invitations should be issued in the name of the bride's mother alone, whether the par­ents have remarried or not. Divorced parents do not show good taste in issuing a wedding invitation using both their names. How­ever, there are times when divorced parents have remarried that the bride's mother and step-father or the bride's father and step­mother will issue invitations (if she is very close to her mother and step-father or if she has been living with her father and step­mother for a number of years and has had very little association with her own mother). In general, it is considered less confusing and better taste for the bride's own mother to issue the invitations in her name alone when parents have been divorced (whether remarried or not).

When the bride's parents are divorced, and the bride's mother, who has not remarried, issues the invitations, she uses her maiden and married surnames.

Form #12

Mrs. Wilson Stuart
requests the honour of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter
Sarah Ann
etc.

Form #13

Mrs. Alward Sylvester Hoe
requests the honour of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter
Sarah Ann Stuart
etc.

When divorced parents have remarried, and the bride's mother andstep-father are to issue invitations, use Forms #9, 10 or 11, above.

When divorced parents have remarried, and the bride's father and step-mother are to issue invitations, use Forms #5, 6, or 7, above.

It would be very rare indeed if in the case of divorced parents, the bride's father were to issue invitations in his name alone—but if this should happen, whether the father has remarried or not, use Form #3, above.

When the bride's parents are separated, but not divorced, invita­tions should be issued in the bride's mother's name alone, or in both parents' names as in the traditional form, or jointly with names separated, the first is the best usage. The second may prove confusing (guests receiving invitations frequently draw the con­clusion that parents have reconciled.) The third is best when both parents want their names on the invitations but do not want guests to assume that they have reunited. When the bride's parents are separated, but not divorced, and invitations are issued in the bride's mother's name alone, use Form #4 (the bride's mother's full married name is used, and the bride's first two Christian names but not her surname).

When the bride's parents are separated, but not divorced, and invitations are to be issued in the traditional way by them both, jointly, use traditional Form #1.

When the bride's parents are separated, but not divorced, and invitations are to be issued jointly, but with the names separated, use Form #14, below.

Form #14

Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
and
Mr. John Hamilton Stuart
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Ann etc.

Note: If it happens that a girl has the same name as her mother, for instance both Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart and her daughter are named Sarah Ann, and the daughter has been known as Sarah Ann, second, it is unnecessary to indicate this on the wedding invitation by the mother because the mother's name, in every instance where she issues the invitation in her name alone, is not used as Sarah Ann Stuart (see Forms #4, 8, 12, and 13, above). The way the mother's name is used in every instance prevents any confusion.

If neither of the bride's parents is living, the invitations are issued in the names of her closest relatives. The bride's surname is used on the invitation when this is the case. The prefix "Miss" is not used before the bride's name, except when the invitations are issued by some person who is not related to her. The use of "Miss" before her name indicates no relationship to the sponsors. If the sister, brother, aunt or any other relative issuing the invita­tions, is unmarried, the invitations are issued in his or her name alone; if married, the invitations are issued jointly with the hus­band or wife. The form is the same as the traditional Form #1, except that the bride's full name is used and "his sister," "her sister," "their niece," "their granddaughter," etc. are substituted for "their daughter."

When the bride's parents are not living and the wedding invita­tions are issued by an unmarried sister, brother, aunt, etc.:

Form

Miss Jane Reynolds Stuart
requests the honour of your presence
at the marriage of her sister
Sarah Ann Stuart etc.

Or the brother's full name "Mr. Roger Timball Stuart"—"at the marriage of his sister"; or the aunt's or uncle's full name, "at the marriage of her niece (his niece)."

If the bride's parents are not living and the invitations are issued by a married brother:

 

Form #16

Mr. and Mrs. Roger Timball Stuart
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their sister
Sarah Ann Stuart

etc. It is not necessary to use "his sister" or "Mr. Stuart's sister" since the full name of the bride reveals whose sister she is. How­ever, any who prefer these forms, may use them. Another thing, the bride's full name need not necessarily be used on invitations issued by her brother who is unmarried, since her surname is the same as his. If this is accepted, one would infer that the bride's surname would not be repeated when her unmarried sister is issuing invita­tions, but usually it is.

When the bride's parents are not living and the invitations are issued by a married sister:

Form #17

Mr. and Mrs. Jules Allen Martin
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their sister
Sarah Ann Stuart

etc., or "at the marriage of Mrs. Martin's sister (or her sister)." When the bride's parents are not living and the invitations are issued by two sisters—if they are not married they use their Chris­tian and surnames, if they are married their full married names. The elder sister's name is usually first:

Form #18

Miss Jane Reynolds Stuart
and
Mrs. Roger Timball Martin
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their sister
Sarah Ann Stuart etc.
If the bride's parents are not living and the invitations are issued by a brother and sister:

Form #19

Miss Jane Reynolds Stuart
and
Mr. Roger Timball Stuart
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their sister
Sarah Ann Stuart etc.

If the sister were married, she would, of course, use her full married name. Two brothers used Form #19 above. Note: Only when the relationship is very close is it shown on the invitation. When parents are not living and wedding invitations are issued in the name of an aunt, uncle, or grandparent, they read: "at the marriage of his (or her) niece (or granddaughter)"

Or

"Mr. and Mrs.—" at "the marriage of their—"

When the bride's parents are not living and there is no very close relative to issue the invitation, it may be issued by friends or by any other relative, but the "Miss" is used before the bride's name and the relationship is not shown. For instance, one does not say "of their friend" or "of their second cousin" etc., on the invitation.

Form #20

Mr. and Mrs. Jules Allen Martin request the honour of your presence
 at the marriage of
Miss Sarah Ann Stuart
etc.

When parents are not living and there are no close relatives or friends to sponsor invitations, the bride and groom may issue their own. This is rarely done except in the case of the mature bride. When a very young girl sponsors her own invitations, it appears as though the marriage had not the approval of her family:

Form #20

The honour of your presence
is requested at the marriage of
Miss Sarah Jane Stuart
to
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels etc.

Note: There is an unusual circumstance where the bride might be a professional person with a professional name. Invitations that she sends to her associates, who know her only by her professional name, may have that name engraved in parenthesis under her Christian names:

Sarah Ann
(Sally Saunders)
to
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels

etc. Her pseudonym is usually added to the copper plate after the number of invitations needed for guests who know her by her Christian name have been made from the original plate. Then the balance of invitations are made for those who know her only by her professional name.

In the very rare instance that the bridegroom's family might be issuing invitations—if, for instance the bride came to a foreign country without her parents, to be married in the city or com­munity where the groom's parents live; or, if she came a great distance in her own country, her parents unable to accompany her, and she is to be married in the groom's home town; or, if the bride's and groom's parents are very close friends and she has to travel to his home town to be married without her parents—in any of these circumstances, both families might decide it better to have the groom's parents sponsor the wedding. This, if it happens, should come about upon the suggestion of the groom's parents and possibly after discussion by correspondence with the bride's par­ents. It should never be at the bride's request to the groom's parents. If it is to be done, the prefix "Miss" is used before the bride's name:

Mr. and Mrs. Alfred Sylvester Hoe request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of Miss Sarah Ann Stuart
to
their son
Alfred Sylvester Hoe, junior

etc. If preferred, "Mr." may be used before the groom's name.
Note: In such unusual circumstances, the wedding announcement must be sent in the name of the bride's parents or her relatives. See Announcements.

Second Marriages

A very young widow may have her invitations issued in the name of her parents, following traditional Form #I, except for the bride's name which will reveal a former marriage. (If her parents are not living, invitations may be issued by close relatives. There are two ways that her name may be used on engraved invitations, first, her two maiden Christian names, followed by her married surname; second, her first Christian name, her maiden surname, and her married surname. "Mrs." is usually not used as a prefix before the bride's name when the invitation is sponsored by some­one other than herself:

Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Ann Daniels etc. Or,
at the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Stuart Daniels etc.

There are some who claim that the prefix "Mrs." should be used before the bride's name to show that she has been married before. But, it is considered incorrect usage to have a title follow a word that indicates relationship. "Their daughter" or "their sister" or "their niece", should not be followed by the prefix "Miss" or "Mrs." When the form, "at the marriage of their daugh­ter, Sarah Stuart Daniels" is used, everyone will understand that she has been married before. When the form, "at the marriage of their daughter, Sarah Ann Daniels" is used, some people say it does not necessarily indicate previous marriage but that it might indicate that the bride is the daughter of Mrs. Stuart who might have been Mrs. Daniels before. But the words, "their daughter" indicate that the bride's own parents are issuing the invitations rather than a mother and step-father. However, it is better not to send invitations to any guests who know so little of the family that they have no knowledge of whether the mother has remarried or the daughter has been previously married than to add the prefix "Mrs." before the bride's name on the invitation.

A widow who is older than "very young" or who is mature, customarily issues her own invitations in her name and the groom's:

The honour of your presence
is requested at the marriage of
Mrs. Robert Brock Daniels
to
Mr. Jules Allen Martin etc. Or,
The honour of your presence
is requested at the marriage of Mrs. Sarah Stuart Daniels
to
Mr. Jules Allen Martin

etc. In this case, she may either use her former husband's name (Mrs. Robert Brock Daniels) or use her first Christian name, her maiden surname and her former husband's surname (Mrs. Sarah Stuart Daniels). And she uses the prefix "Mrs." before her name because it does not follow a possessive pronoun. Several authorities recommend the use of a widow's name (when she issues her own invitations) in either way above, and either way is being used. However, one authority is vehemently against the use of "Mrs." followed by a woman's Christian name on a wedding invitation. She claims that a widow is supposed to use her former husband's name until she has remarried and that this should not be over­looked just because the lady feels she does not want to use his name coupled with her new husband's name on the same an­nouncement.

A divorcee who is very young, who was married hastily and divorced equally as hastily, may have her invitations to her second marriage sponsored by her parents, according to traditional Form :#: 1, except that her name will indicate previous marriage. Follow either of the two ways suggested above for the use of names for a very young widow. A divorcee who is more than "very young" or who is a more mature woman, never has her invitations sponsored by anyone other than herself and the groom: in fact, it is con­sidered questionable taste for a divorcee to send out engraved wedding invitations. She would invite a few intimate friends by informal invitation (see supplement III) to her wedding. It is not recommended that a divorcee who is not "very young" send en­graved invitations. However, should she feel she must, here is the form:

The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage of Mrs. Stuart Daniels to etc. A divorcee always uses her maiden surname followed by her married surname.

Double Weddings—Invitations to the Ceremony

When the brides are sisters, the name of the elder is given first:

Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughters
Sarah Ann
to
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels
 and
Jane Reynolds
to
Mr. Jules Allen Martin

When the brides in a double wedding are not sisters, the basis of deciding which bride should head the invitation is in alpha­betical order, or the age of the bride, or her family, or the host and hostess if the wedding is in one home or the other. Titled parents take precedence over non-titled in an invitation to a double wedding. And there are times when each bride prefers to have her own invitations even for a double wedding. Separate invitations make reception invitations easier to handle. Another way is to have separate invitations engraved on either side of the inside of the double fold of the invitation, instead of combining the names on a single message engraved on the first sheet of the double fold of wedding stationery.

For the combined form when brides are not sisters, the last names of the brides must be used, otherwise it might appear that the parents were divorced and remarried and were using both names to sponsor the invitation of sisters to a double wedding. Also, the brides' last names should be used to make clear which daughter belongs to which parents!

Mr. and Mrs. Alward Sylvester Hoe
and
Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughters
Edith Susan Hoe
to
Mr. Jules Allen Martin
and
Sarah Ann Stuart
 to
 Mr. Robert Brock Daniels

Church Admission Cards and Pew Cards

Church admission cards are used for very large weddings where the general public must be prevented from entering the church and taking up pews that will be needed for invited guests. It would be a very large wedding, indeed, to require these. When they are used, they are often combined with pew cards.

Pew cards are not used so much now that weddings, even the most formal, are handled less formally than in previous years. They are for the purpose of letting guests know which seats have been reserved for them. Usually the only seats reserved in church are those for the immediate families and a few close friends. The families' reserved sections are usually the first twelve pews on the bride's and groom's sides of the church (more often three to five pews on each side is enough). These are called the "bride's re­served section" and the "groom's reserved section." Or the sections are called "Within the ribbon" when a white satin ribbon is left across the last pew of the reserved section and lifted by the ushers each time they seat a guest. Within this reserved section, usually the only pew seats reserved are for some special, unusual seating arrangement that might be needed, such as a distinguished guest, or an older sister and husband who must be seated in front of a younger one. Otherwise, families and close friends may be notified informally that they are to sit "in the reserved section" (by note or word of mouth). Very rarely indeed is an entire church set up on a reserved seat basis.

If a combination of church admission card and pew card is used, it is enclosed in the invitation when it is sent.

If church admission cards are not being sent, but some pew cards are needed, these are usually sent after invitations to the ceremony and reception have gone out and acceptances are in. There is not much point in reserving a pew for a guest who will not be able to attend.

Church admission cards should be of the same finish and color as invitation paper, and about 3½" x 2½" in size. These are never engraved with a device. The message is engraved in the same style of lettering as the invitations:

Please present this card
at St. Peter's Cathedral
Saturday, the tenth of May

Note: It is permissible to abbreviate "Saint" on a small card where space is limited.

In the lower left-hand corner may be engraved "Pew number" or "Within the ribbon." Or the cards may be issued without mention of pew number. Also, the cards may be engraved as the form above, and "Pew number" and "Within the ribbon" written in black ink by hand in the lower left-hand corner.

The bride's (or the groom's) mother may use her own calling card, writing in ink the number of the pew in the upper left corner, or the words "Within the ribbon", or "Bride's (or Groom's) Reserved Section." Guests bring them to church to show the ushers. A guest presenting one from the bride's mother is seated on the left, from the groom's mother, on the right side of the church.

When the mothers' calling cards are used to notify guests of "Bride's Reserved Section" or "Groom's Reserved Section," they are enclosed with the invitations when they are mailed, or enclosed with a note to the recipient, if sent after the invitations are mailed because the guest would not otherwise know from this card what is meant.

Another form of a combination church and pew card: the en­graving of "Pew number" may be omitted on some of the cards, which may then be used as regular church cards.

(Guest's name and pew number to be written in). Will please present this card

at St. Peter's Cathedral
Saturday, the tenth of May
Pew number

Another form is the engraved card, on which the name of the guest, the church and the number of the pew is written in ink. The engraver usually carries such cards in stock.

Train Cards

Transportation to country weddings is sometimes provided by means of a special car attached to a regular train, or if necessary, a special train is chartered. In these instances train cards are used in place of tickets. Train cards are unusual today. If they are used, they are enclosed with the invitation. If used, they may be for a special train provided by the bride's family, in which case the card is marked "Please present this card to the conductor." Other­wise, the train card may be merely a listing of train schedules before and after the ceremony, with the guest expected to buy his own ticket. Train cards should never have a family device even though one has been used for the invitations. They should be engraved on the same kind, color and quality of paper as the in­vitations. They are 4½" x 3" or 3½".

A special car will be attached to the train

leaving Grand Central Terminal, New York
for Bronxville at 11.00 a.m.
and to the returning train
leaving Bronxville at 4.00 p.m.
Please present this card in place of a ticket

The above form is for a special car, and the same type of card is engraved for a special train.

Or the same size and type of card may be engraved with a simplified time table giving the train schedule convenient for the hours of the ceremony and reception so that guests do not have to telephone the railroad for schedules:

Train leaves Grand Central Station for New Canaan, Connecti­cut, at 1.30 p.m. Return train leaves New Canaan for New York at 7.00 p.m.

Automobile Direction Card for Country Wedding: a route map may be engraved or printed, or directions given, as below:

Automobiles from New York follow Route 65 from Whitestone Bridge to The Red Mill, turn right and follow signs to Dogwood Lane.

Rain Card (for out-of-door summer weddings):

In the event of rain
the ceremony will be held
at St. Peter's Cathedral

Note: The last two forms given above are to be engraved on cards about the same size as other cards described here, on the same kind, quality and color of paper, with the same lettering of the in­vitations, and without family devices.

Invitations to Wedding Reception

It is considered a great compliment to be invited to both the wedding ceremony and the reception. Guests are not always in­vited to both. There may be reasons for a small ceremony and a large reception, or vice versa. See "Types of Weddings", chapter VI. There are five different correct methods of issuing the re­ception invitation. They will be given below. First we will explain a few points in regard to all wedding reception invitations.

Any form used to invite guests to a reception should have, in the lower left-hand corner, "R.S.V.P." (or, "R.s.v.p."), which means "The favour of a reply is requested." "Please send response to (address)," or "Please respond." Invitations to the wedding recep­tion have the R.S.V.P. even for a wedding tea, if desired, although invitations to tea do not usually require a reply. It should not be necessary to have to ask for a reply, but today people are careless, and so it has become customary to include one of the above forms asking for a reply. Either "R.S.V.P." or "R.s.v.p." is correct, but the one beginning with capital "R." with other letters small is preferred by conservative people. It is also mentioned that the form with all capitals is considered the better in diplomatic circles and in France.

If the reception follows a morning wedding, the wording may be "wedding breakfast" or "wedding reception and luncheon." For weddings during the afternoon, the invitation usually reads simply "reception following the ceremony." Following evening weddings, the wording may be "wedding reception and dinner" or "wedding reception and buffet."

It is to be noted that on invitations to the wedding reception, the word "and" is grammatically necessary between the names of the bride and groom since they are now married.

The five forms of wedding reception invitations

When more are invited to the church than to the reception, in­vitations are engraved to the ceremony and a separate reception card is engraved which is enclosed in the invitations of those also invited to the reception. The breakfast or reception card is usually a little smaller than half the size of the invitation, but it does not have to be any special size; however, it must be the same color, type and quality of paper, but without any embossed device, and the same lettering as the invitation. There are many variations of wording.

Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
request the pleasure of your company
on Saturday, the tenth of June
at five o'clock 11 Dogwood Lane
R.s.v.p.
or
The pleasure of your company
is requested at the reception
(or at the wedding breakfast)
after the ceremony
at
135 East 70 Street
                        R.s.v.p.
or
Mr. and Mrs. Archibald Dean Underwood request the pleasure o£
Mr. and Mrs. Jules Allen "Martins or (Mr. and Mrs. Martins)
company on Tuesday, the twelfth of June at half after four o'clock
at Sherry's R.S.V.P. 1172 Park Avenue
or
Reception immediately following the ceremony
453 Park Avenue R.S.V.P.

Specify the date, the time, the place, and ask for a reply, and give the address to which the reply is to be sent if the reception is not at the bride's home. The time may be given as "immediately after the ceremony," or may be written out, usually one half to one hour after the time of the ceremony, depending upon the length of the ceremony and the distance of the reception from the place of the ceremony. Some forms include the date, as a courteous gesture. This is not necessary, of course, since the reception card is enclosed with the wedding invitation to the church which gives the date.

If a mother or father, alone, issues the wedding invitation, and either one has remarried, he or she must include the name of the new wife or husband on the reception invitation. A reception in­vitation must be issued in the name of host and hostess except for an unmarried person, or in the case of separation or divorce, in which event one or the other will issue invitations in his or her name alone. As we have said, in the case of divorce and remarriage, reception invitations include the names of both husband and wife. A mature widow who has issued her own wedding invitations usually includes a reception card in the impersonal form:

The pleasure o£ your company is requested
Saturday, the tenth of May
at half after four o'clock

The Carlton House Please send response to 11 Dogwood Lane

Note: She does not repeat her name or the groom's, which are on the wedding invitation. It is assumed that guests will know to respond to her (not to the groom) and she includes her address.

A reception card to a double wedding, if the brides are sisters, will be the same as for any wedding (unless the names of the brides and grooms are used, which is not recommended as that makes too much lettering for one card). When bridles are sisters, there is only one set of parents to issue the invitations to the reception, so the situation is not complicated. When the brides are not sisters, it is suggested that the reception invitations be issued in the names of both parents (for precedence, see church invitations above), pro­vided the church invitations have been issued that way. If church invitations are issued separately, then reception invitations are also issued separately, even though there will be one reception for both:

Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
and
Mr. and Mrs. Alward Sylvester Hoe
request the pleasure of your company
at half after four o'clock
The Carlton House R.s.v.p.
 11 Dogwood Lane

The reply is sent to both Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart and Mr. and Mrs. Alward Sylvester Hoe, addressed to 11 Dogwood Lane, as specified on the invitation, unless separate reception in­vitations are issued, when the reply is sent, naturally, only to the host and hostess whose names are on the card the guest receives.

2. Invitations to the Wedding Reception with Invitations to the Ceremony on a Separate Card—

When only a few are invited to the ceremony, and many more to the reception, this form is used. This might be an invitation to a wedding reception at home, hotel, club or garden with ceremony card enclosed. If circumstances prevent the bride from having a large number of guests to the ceremony and she wishes to have a large breakfast or wedding reception, the form below is used with a separate Ceremony Card:

Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
request the pleasure o£ your company
at the wedding breakfast of their daughter
Sarah Ann
and
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels
on Saturday, the tenth of May
at half after ten o'clock

The Carlton House Please send response to 11 Dogwood Lane
The ceremony card for the above, to be enclosed with the wedding reception invitation:

Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage ceremony
at half after nine o'clock
Saint Peter's Church

If the wedding reception were to be at home, hotel, club or garden, with the ceremony at church or in the place of reception, and only a very few are invited to the ceremony, the reception invitation #2 would be the one to use, and the ceremony card, instead of being engraved, might be a handwritten notation on the bride's mother's visiting card, or might be a handwritten note to the cere­mony only, and enclosed with the invitation to the reception.

Another form of the Ceremony Card, to be enclosed with wed­ding invitations, is to write in the guest's name:

Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart request the honour of
Me. and Mrs. Jules Allen !Martins or (Mr. and "Mrs. Martins')

presence at the marriage ceremony

at four o'clock Saint Peter's Church

Sometimes the separate ceremony card simply reads "Ceremony at four o'clock" or "Marriage ceremony at four o'clock." The former is about as much as the bride's mother writes on her visit­ing card when she uses that.

1. Invitation to the Ceremony with Invitation to the Reception at the End of the Same Form—

This form can be used instead of having separate reception and/ or ceremony cards. The last few lines of the invitation to the re­ception can be blocked off by the engraver and the number of in­vitations needed for those invited to the ceremony only engraved, then the block removed and the remainder engraved for those in­vited to both the ceremony and the reception.

Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Ann
to
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels on Saturday, tenth of May
at four o'clock
Saint Peter's Church
and afterwards at the reception
The Sherry Netherland Please send response to
 11 Dogwood Lane

4.         Invitation to the Ceremony and Reception Incorporated in
the Wording of the Entire Form—

This form is the one frequently used for home, hotel, club, garden weddings, when all guests are invited to both the cere­mony and the reception. Usually a reception card is unnecessary with a home wedding invitation as it is assumed that the invi­tation includes the reception.

Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Ann
to
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels on Saturday, the tenth of May
at four o'clock
11 Dogwood Lane
The favour of a reply is requested

Note: It would be most unusual for a guest to be invited only to the ceremony if it is to take place in a home, hotel, club, garden or any place other than church because, if the ceremony and reception are in the same place there is no way for the hostess to expect part of the guests to leave but others to remain. However, there might be a situation in which the wedding ceremony was to be at the home without any reception, or with only an intimate family party afterwards. The invitation for this kind of wedding is worded like that for church, according to circumstances, with the address of the home or hotel substituted for the name of the church:

Saint Paul's Church
New York would be changed to:
11 Dogwood Lane
Montclair, New Jersey

4a. An invitation to a home wedding is issued in the names of the bride's parents, even if the wedding ceremony and reception are to be given in the home of someone else:

Mr. and Mrs. Edgar Allen Paugh
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Ann Marjorie
Mr. John Robert Willson
on Saturday, the tenth of May
at noon
at the residence of
Mr, and Mrs. Rickard Desmond Kitt
6188 North Hillside
Topeka

Kindly respond to 225 Third Street

Note: When the wedding ceremony or reception, or both, are to be given at the home of a relative or friend, and invitations are issued as above, have the replies sent to your own address in order to save trouble for your relative or friend.

Perhaps the wedding ceremony is to be given in church, but the reception will be held in the home of relatives or friends of the bride's parents. In this case, the ceremony invitations are issued in the usual form, and the reception card is issued in the name of the bride's parents but the address of the place the reception will be held is given:

Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart request the pleasure of your company

at the residence of
Mr. and Mrs. Alward Sylvester Hoe
 Seventy Surfside Road
Kindly respond to
11 Dogwood Lane
4b. A home wedding invitation issued by friends:

Mr. and Mrs. Alward Sylvester Hoe request the pleasure of your company

at the marriage of Miss Sarah Ann Stuart
to
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels
on Saturday, the tenth of May
at four o'clock
Meadowbrook
The favour of a reply is requested

4c. When a wedding reception is given at a club, to which the bride's parents do not belong, the name of the person responsible for the accommodation in the club is always engraved in the lower right-hand corner of the invitation: "Through the courtesy of Mrs. John Smith Jones." "Kindly respond to" and the bride's parents' address will be put in the lower left-hand corner as usual, and the invitations are issued in the names of the bride's parents as usual.

4d. Reply Cards (To Be Enclosed with Wedding Invitations) When the reply is to be sent to an address other than where the breakfast or reception is to be held, a separate card may be en­closed. This is usually done only when the address is quite long, and it is not recommended because the correct way is to add the address for the reply under "Please send response to" in the lower left-hand corner of the invitation itself. However, if a reply card is used, the following forms may be followed:

The favor of a reply to
Seventy-nine Wisteria Place
Devonshire, Maine
is requested
or
Please address reply to Seventy-nine Wisteria Place Devonshire, Maine
or
Please send response to
Mrs. Alward Sylvester Hoe Seventy-nine Wisteria Place
Devonshire, Maine

There is a response card which is used usually in simulated engraving. It is a small card on which all information is given and blank spaces are left for guests to check whether or not they will attend. Self-addressed envelopes—sometimes with stamps on them —accompany these cards. Some people believe they are for the convenience of guests and should be used as a courtesy to them. Also, when brides are planning weddings, including receptions, on close budgets, they have to know exactly how many guests will attend, and they have to know earlier than the week of the wedding in some instances. Some hotels and restaurants require the exact number of reservations well in advance, and a substantial deposit. Many brides feel, therefore, that they must send the self-addressed response cards to make it easy for the guests to send their answers right away.

These cards are not correct and should not be used in spite of their apparent kindness to guests and convenience for the bride's family. They are not correct because it is not a part of social usage to put a stamped, self-addressed envelope in an elegant wedding invitation. Such an enclosure is a business, not a social custom. Surveys made by stationers prove that as good results are obtained from "R.s.v.p." as from response cards with stamped, self-addressed envelopes. One should have confidence in one's guests—and show it. This is not indicated by sending response cards and envelopes.

5. Separate Wedding Reception Invitation in Addition to Wed­ding Ceremony Invitations—

These are the same size and form as ceremony invitations. Send both invitations to those guests invited to both ceremony and reception. Send only the ceremony invitation, naturally, to those in­vited only to the ceremony, and the reception invitation to those who, for some reason, may be invited only to the reception. Use the form under No. 2 above,—invitation to a wedding reception. When the parents are divorced, the mother usually issues invi­tations to the church in her name only. To the reception, the mother and step-father must issue the invitations together (if the mother has remarried), even though the invitations to the cere­mony were issued in the mother's name alone. There are some cases when the parents are divorced where the mother issues the invitations to the church, and the father to the reception in his name only, unless he has remarried, when he must issue them in his name and his present wife's. If reception invitations are sent by a divorced father, the following form should be used:

Mr. John Hamilton Stuart
requests the pleasure of your company
at the wedding reception of his daughter
Sarah Ann
and

Mr. Robert Brock Daniels Saturday,
 the tenth of May at
 half after four o'clock
 The Carlton House R.s.v.p.
11 Dogwood Lane

Wedding Announcements

These are an elegant form of announcement of a marriage to be used for any who did not receive wedding invitations. Announce­ments are issued in the name of the bride's parents or any variation according to circumstances exactly as for invitations. For double weddings, although the invitation is often sent in the name of both parents for both brides and grooms, announcements may be made the same way but more usually are sent individually by each family. Announcements are issued in the names of the nearest kin whether they are actually present or not. If the bride's mother is an invalid, or the bride's father is abroad their names are included as sponsors of the wedding announcement. Even in the rare case where the bridegroom's family issues the wedding invitations the announce­ments should go out in the names of the bride's parents or her nearest kin. The same rules for paper, lettering, devices, address­ing, size, apply for announcements as for invitations.

Mention of the year is optional on an invitation, but absolutely necessary on an announcement. Actually, it is not customarily used on invitations. The date and year, the city or town in which the ceremony was held, should be included on an announcement. This should be included even after an elopement when some time may have passed between the ceremony and the announcement. The name of the church, or the house address or other specific address where the ceremony was performed may also be given on an an­nouncement, but is not necessary. The name of the state may be omitted if the ceremony took place in some large city such as New York, or Chicago. If the ceremony took place at a country home, the name of the home may be given, as:

"Greenacres" Greenwich, Connecticut

The place of the ceremony does not have to be given—but the name of the city in which it occurred is usually given. The year line may be engraved "One thousand, nine hundred and fifty-seven" or "Nineteen hundred and fifty-seven." It is considered ac­ceptable to use "Saturday, May 10, 1957" instead of "Saturday, the tenth of May" on one line and "One thousand nine hundred and fifty-seven" on a second line.

There are three choices for the opening wording of a wedding announcement: "announce the marriage of," "have the honour to announce," "have the honour of announcing."

The traditional wedding announcement is:

Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
have the honour of announcing
the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Ann
to
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels
on Saturday, the tenth of May
One thousand, nine hundred and fifty-seven
Saint Peter's Cathedral
New York
The wedding announcement used after an elopement is:
Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
announce the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Ann
to
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels
on Saturday, the tenth of May
Nineteen hundred and fifty-seven
Carson City, Nevada

Note: The place of the ceremony is not given.

The wedding announcement issued by two sisters (or a brother and sister) could use this form. The sisters should use their married names or maiden names according to their status. We include the following form because one authority recommends that it is not necessary to use the bride's surname on announcements or invita­tions. Most authorities would use the bride's surname in this case, on announcements or invitations. Perhaps this authority has not, in this case, because the sisters are unmarried, and their names are the same as the bride's. This authority also has omitted "and" be­tween the sisters' names:

Miss Jane Reynolds Stuart
Miss Helen Louise Stuart
announce the marriage of their sister
Sarah Ann
to
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels
on Saturday, the tenth of May
Nineteen hundred and fifty seven
New York

A hyphen may be used between fifty-seven or not, as preferred. A wedding announcement is issued by a bride and groom only when there are no near relatives to issue it, for a mature bride and groom, or for a second marriage when the bride is a widow or divorcee (except those who are very young):

Miss Sarah Ann Stuart
and
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels
announce their marriage
on Saturday, the tenth of May
Nineteen hundred and fifty-seven
New York

If the bride is a widow, she uses her first husband's name with the prefix "Mrs." If she is a divorcee, she uses her maiden surname and her married surname, with the prefix "Mrs." In the case of an older woman who has been divorced, she or her family may or may not send announcements. Some recommend that a mature widow may use her Christian name combined with her former married surname on her wedding announcements; this belief, that it is in­correct to use "Mrs." followed by a woman's Christian name on a formal announcement is overshadowed, in this instance, because it is the woman by her Christian name and not the woman by her former husband's Christian name who is announcing her marriage. A professional woman, known by her own Christian name, may correctly use "Mrs." followed by her Christian name and her former married surname. Engraved invitations and announce­ments are somewhat formal for the kind of wedding that a widow or a divorcee of more than very young years should have and cer­tainly are not in the best taste for a divorcee.

If a widow or a divorcee is very young, her parents issue her announcements just as for her first marriage, except for the use of her married surname. The wedding announcement of the second marriage of a very young divorcee or widow, issued by her mother and step-father, may have "Mrs." preceding the bride's name, or this may be omitted. "Mrs." is usually not used as a prefix when the invitation is sponsored by someone other than the bride.

Mr. and Mrs. Alward Sylvester Hoe
announce the marriage
of Mrs. Hoe's daughter
Mrs. Sarah Ann Daniels
(or Mrs. Sarah Stuart Daniels)
to
Mr. Jules Allen Martin
on Saturday, the tenth of May
Nineteen hundred and fifty-seven
Kansas City, Missouri

When parents are divorced, an announcement of their daugh­ter's wedding should not be made in both their names. There is a new trend to announce the marriage in the name of both parents, even if they are divorced, and that the same is true in the an­nouncement of the engagement, but both names of divorced parents should not appear on a wedding invitation:

Mrs. Alward Sylvester Hoe
Mr. John Hamilton Stuart
announce the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Ann
to
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels
Saturday, the tenth of May
One thousand, nine hundred and fifty seven
Portland, Maine

"At-Home" Cards

These are small cards, somewhat smaller than reception or ceremony cards, of the came color and kind of paper, with the same lettering as the invitations and announcements and, like other separate cards, without any device. They are included with invita­tions or announcements. When included with invitations, the new married name cannot be used because invitations, of course, are mailed before the wedding. They are for the purpose of informing friends of the bride's and groom's new married address. Naturally, they are not used if the bride and groom do not have their new permanent address. "At-Home" cards are not used now as fre­quently with wedding invitations as they were at one time; they are more often included with announcements. They are a useful means of providing a quick way to let friends know where the bride and groom will live and from what date. They are especially useful in giving this information to out-of-town friends—those in town may easily be informed by word of mouth. However, if they are used at all, they are sent with all invitations or announcements to both in-town and out-of-town friends. When not used, it is necessary for the bride and groom to drop personal notes to their friends or to call them up to tell them where they will live and their address. "At Home" with two capitals is considered the best form to accompany very formal invitations. "At home," with one capital, less formal. If the words "at home" appear in the middle of a sentence, they both have small letters:

Will be at home after January thirtieth
11 Dogwood Lane
Montclair, New Jersey
Or, the first line may be omitted, and "After" then begins with a capital—this is the form used when the card is included with wedding invitations because the new married name is not given. Or
At home
after the fifteenth of November
296 East 72 Street
New York

"At-Home" cards to be enclosed with wedding announcements (and they are more often included with announcements than with invitations, as we have said) bear the new married name. Further­more, there is a trend to omit the words, "At Home."

Mr. and Mrs. Robert Brock Daniels After the first of December 107 East 72 Street

New York

If the bride and groom are to be at home immediately after their marriage, no date is specified:

Mr. and Mrs. Robert Brock Daniels
107 East 72 Street
 New York

Or this form of the "At-Home" card may be mailed separately after the bride and groom have established a permanent residence. Some "At-Home" cards carry the correct postal address in detail. When the bride does not want to issue separate "At Home" cards, she may have the following information engraved in the lower left-hand corner of the invitation or announcements:

After the first of June

11 Dogwood Lane, Marlboro

Informal Wedding Invitations

Engraved invitations are not necessary if there are to be less than 100 guests. The invitations may be written by hand on white, informal personal notepaper. Guests may be invited by word of mouth or by telephone. Guests may be invited by telegram. In­formal invitations, whether by note, word of mouth, telephone or telegram are issued in the name of the bride's mother—this is implied in the message. The shortest of notes is in better taste as an invitation to even a very small wedding than an invitation given verbally, telephoned or telegraphed. The invitation may be given verbally, but it should certainly be followed with a note or reminder in writing—even if no more than a notation on a visiting card. For samples of such invitations, (see Supplement I) In­formal invitations may be sent on very short notice, if necessary, but the usual two weeks in advance, as for ordinary social invita­tions, is customary. A telegram is signed by those issuing the invitation. For wording (see Supplement I).

Informal Wedding Announcements

Even though the wedding is informal or very small, engraved announcements are usually sent. The wedding does not have to be a large formal one to warrant announcements. In fact, guests may have been invited to the wedding by telephone, telegram or hand­written note, but engraved announcements might still be used. In fact, announcement of the marriage may be sent after an elope­ment.
If the wedding is so small that formal invitations have not been issued and the family does not want to, or cannot afford to, send engraved announcements, then the bride's and groom's mothers should send personal notes to their relatives and friends, telling of their happiness over the marriage, then follow these notes with a newspaper announcement (see newspaper publicity of the wed­ding). A newspaper announcement without a personal explanation might signify disapproval of the marriage.

Announcement of a marriage by personal note is entirely cor­rect and is a greater compliment than an engraved form because it is more personal. It is considered an informal and a most un­usual method, unusual because of the difficulty of writing notes by hand to the many relatives and friends one wishes to notify of the marriage. (For sample notes, see Supplement I).

Recall of Wedding Invitations

The reason for the recall of invitations is usually one of the following: The bride or groom becomes ill, the bride may decide she does not want to get married, the wedding may have to be postponed for various reasons, or a death may occur in the bride's or groom's family.

When a bride or groom becomes ill, the wedding is usually called off until further notice. When the bride decides that she does not want to get married, the recall of invitations has a per­manent implication. When the wedding is postponed, it is merely changed from one date to another, or postponed indefinitely. A recall of invitations because of death in the bride's or groom's family does not necessarily mean that the wedding is called off— but rather that the ceremony will be a much more private one.

Guests must be notified in time if the wedding is postponed or called off. Should engraved or printed forms be out of the question because of the time element, then, handwritten notes may be sent, or telegrams, or people may be telephoned. (For suggestions of what to say on the telephone in this instance, or what to write, or how to word the telegram, see Supp. I)

Whatever the form used, notification must be sent to everyone who was invited to the ceremony or reception or both.

The forms for "recalls" should be the same style as the original invitations, the engraving and lettering being the same. Instead of a double fold of wedding stationery, as for invitations, these are issued on a stiff white card, in a single envelope. Or, they may be printed, using type as close to the original engraving as possible. For the engraved or printed form:

Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
regret that owing to their daughter's illness
they are obliged to recall their invitations
to her marriage on
Thursday, the third of October
or
Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
are obliged to recall the invitation
to the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Ann
to
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels
on Saturday, the tenth of May
as the marriage will not take place
or, (in case of death in the family)
Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
regret exceedingly that owing to the recent death of
the mother of Mrs. Stuart
the invitations to the marriage of their daughter Sarah Ann
to
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels must be recalled
or
Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart
announce that the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Ann
to
Mr. Robert Brock Daniels
has been postponed from
Saturday, the tenth of May
until Saturday, the seventeenth of May
at four o'clock
Saint Thomas Church
New York City

In addition to notifying guests by engraved or printed form, or by any other form such as notes, telephone calls, or telegrams it is customary in some communities to send a notice of the postpone­ment or recall of the wedding to the newspapers. (Newspaper an­nouncement is a good medium, also, if the wedding is called off or must be postponed within a day or so of the date and the bride's and groom's families are not sure telegrams and telephone will reach everyone.)

Mr. and Mrs. John Hamilton Stuart, 11 Dogwood Lane, Montclair, New Jersey, announce that the marriage of their daughter, Miss Sarah Ann Stuart, to Mr. Robert Brock Daniels, son of Mr. and Mrs. Jules Allen Daniels, New York City, will not take place.

or,
Because of the death of their son — etc.—have recalled the
invitations to the marriage of their daughter —, etc., to — for Saturday, the tenth of May.
or,
Owing to the illness of—etc., the marriage of his daughter,
etc.—to Mr.—etc., has been postponed.

Note: If the wedding date must be changed because of a change in the reception schedule or the honeymoon reservation, and if the invitations have not been mailed, the engraver sometimes can erase one line on the copperplate, engrave new invitations, there­by limiting the additional expense to new paper only. If the invita­tions have been mailed, there is little to do except to have another invitation engraved from a new plate or have a separate card (similar to the reception invitation card) engraved, giving the change.

Stationery Trousseau

This is usually ordered at the time the invitations and announce­ments are ordered:

You will want acknowledgment stationery for thank-you notes. You can judge the amount you will need by the number of guests you have invited to the wedding reception. You should provide for at least that many plus any additional you feel that you will need in beginning your married life. It is a good idea to have plenty on hand because you will have "bread and butter" notes to write.

Your thank-you notes may be written on any note or letter paper of fine quality. There are a variety of styles and colors. If you use colors, it is better form to have the faintest of pastels, such as pale blue or grey, or white with a pastel monogram; or white, with a pastel lining in the envelope. White, with silver monogram and a very small silver edging is a good choice. Another good type of stationery is the monogrammed note. Still another is the "in­formal" in one of two sizes. The folded sheet that you may insert into the envelope without folding again is good because there is enough room on it for your message and yet it is not so large that you feel your message, if short, will look skimpy. Sizes of the in-formals (fold-over cards with a monogram or not on the first page) are usually 3" x 5", or a little larger or smaller, plain or paneled. Notepaper is usually a little larger.

It is customary for the bride to use a monogram. If she does, she must have some paper monogrammed with her maiden initials to use before her marriage, and some with her married initials to use after. The notepaper or informals may have her new name, address or monogram engraved, printed or embossed in white or any pastel shade. A monogram die of the bride's married initials can be used afterwards through the years of her married life every time she needs her stationery replenished. For her monogram, she should use the initials of her Christian name, maiden surname and married surname, with the initial of her maiden surname in the center, or if she prefers, her married surname in the center. The center initial may be a little larger than the others, or they may all be the same. The shade of the monogram often is chosen to harmonize with the shade of the notepaper or of the border or tissue lining of envelopes of informals. Some brides prefer to order notepaper and informals that are perfectly plain with no mono­gram, address die, or marking at all.

If you are ordering a copper plate with "Mr. and Mrs." name to be engraved on visiting cards, this same plate will make beauti­ful engraved informals for your thank-you notes and for your notepaper. The "Mr. and" can be blocked off by the engraver so

that your personal stationery may be engraved "Mrs. ______."

And you will be able to use the plate as often as you need new stationery engraved.

In addition to notepaper and informals for thank-you notes and other notes at the time of the wedding, you might well order at this time an additional supply for the first few months of your married life. After you choose the kind of paper, size and shape you like, and the kind of monogramming or engraving die you wish, simply order the additional supply you believe you will require during those first few months. You will probably need three types of stationery: notepaper—white, in formal size (about the size and shape of a wedding invitation) which is a double fold, and the message is written on the first sheet continued on into the inside if necessary, and which folds over once before being inserted into the envelope (or not, as desired). This should bear at the most a monogram or a device, nothing more, and should not have a fancy border—this is formal paper used to answer wedding invita­tions or other formal invitations, and to issue formal handwritten invitations. This with the Informals—described above, and another kind of inexpensive paper with whatever trimming or mark­ing you like, for everyday note paper, should suffice.

Visiting cards—are almost indispensable. Not that card calling is in vogue anymore—it isn't except for wives of men in the services, or in Congressional or Diplomatic circles in Washington. But women today are using visiting cards as a basis upon which they inscribe by hand all sorts of notations, invitations and mes­sages which they send to friends and acquaintances instead of writing notes. Therefore they are needed as part of a stationery trousseau.

There are several sizes which a good stationer will show you. These cards are always white or ivory and must be engraved from a copper plate in black if they are used at all—never printed. They may be engraved in script, or any of the Roman lettering, or any other type of lettering that comes in good engraving. You should have some cards engraved "Mr. and Mrs." for the occasions when such cards are appropriate, some "Mr." for your husband's use (his social cards, not business), and some "Mrs." for your own use. Your joint cards will be a little larger than your own cards. You will need envelopes for the cards. Envelopes are made the same size as the cards and there are times you will need them—when you enclose a card in a gift. Otherwise, if you send the card through the mail, you should drop it into one of your regular sized enve­lopes rather than address and mail the small size. Postal clerks and authorities dislike very small envelopes which are difficult to handle in processing mail. Do not use an abbreviation or an initial on your visiting cards; your husband's name should be written in full. One copper plate can be ordered, and your stationery, and the visiting cards in all three categories are made from this one plate.

Envelopes are made to fit informals, and these are large enough to be suitable for mailing.

Note: It is correct to use on your stationery any device to which your family is entitled. In the beginning of this section, we have set down the rules for the use of devices for a woman alone.

How the Bride Will Use Her New Name

You will use "Mrs." with your husband's full name. You will also use your Christian name, maiden surname and your husband's surname. For instance, Mrs. John Walker Gordon will also be Marian Brewster Gordon. On your visiting cards, informal cards and formal invitations, Mrs. John Walker Gordon will appear. You will sign Marian Brewster Gordon to your letters, on your checks, and wherever or whenever you sign your name. On certain occasions and especially in business letters, you may place Mrs. John Walker Gordon in brackets under your signature, in order that the person receiving your letter will know how to address you. However, you should not sign your name Mrs. John Walker Gordon or Mrs. Marian Brewster Gordon to any kind of letter. Otherwise, when it is necessary to use your name as identification rather than your personal signature, use your full married name with the prefix "Mrs." This is called your formal name. For in­stance, charge accounts, a hotel register, or when your name is listed on a committee.

How to Use Titles of Professionals on Wedding Invitations and
Announcements

The following use their titles on engraved invitations and an­nouncements:

1. Doctors of medicine, of psychology, dentistry (Doctor John Hamilton Stuart).
2. Clergymen:

The Very Reverend John Stuart (Dean of a Cathedral)

The Right Reverend John Stuart (Bishop)

The Reverend Nathaniel Rosenberg (Rabbi)
or The Reverend Doctor Nathaniel Rosenberg (if he has a
scholastic degree)

The Reverend Dr. John Hamilton Stuart (Clergyman with a scholastic degree)

or The Reverend John Hamilton Stuart (if he prefers). The
latter is also used when the man does not have a scholastic
degree.

3.         Military or Naval officers (see Chapter IX on The Service  Wedding Chapter.
4.         Men in public office Senator Judge Mayor Governor
5. Professors

Abbreviations of titles is permissible when necessary. The letters of degrees are not used on invitations and announce­ments.

Those who hold honorary degrees do not customarily use them on engraved invitations and announcements.

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